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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Film-Yak   » How our folks drive us insane (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: How our folks drive us insane
Jennifer Pan
THE JEN!

Posts: 1219
From: Denver, Colorado
Registered: Nov 2003


 - posted 11-07-2006 08:45 PM      Profile for Jennifer Pan   Author's Homepage   Email Jennifer Pan   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, most of you know I'm living at home while I finish college. That is, if I don't go insane first. My parents are very old-school conservative and have an incessant need to keep track of everything about my life. One thing I was doing to eke out a tiny bit of privacy was to stay in my room a lot of the time and often with the door locked. This was disrupting their ability to pry and spy and something had to be done. Their solution? Simply remove the lock...the entire doorknob assembly in fact!

However this situation changed dramatically recently. Through no fault of mine I accidentally walked in on the parentals in flagrante delicto. Nothing was said but I was completely traumatized. I shudder just thinking about it. But there was an upside. The doorknob missing from my door played no role in this horror but nevertheless it miraculously reappeared back to normal that very same evening. Looks like someone learned a small lesson about privacy. As for me I'm still traumatized but at least I can be so in private. They still get mad when I lock the door during the day though. I just find it hilarious that they act like what I saw never happened. When it was very apparent that they saw me.

Do you guys have any insane stories about you dealing with your parents?

[ 11-08-2006, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: Jennifer Pan ]

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Chris Hipp
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1462
From: Mesquite, Tx (east of Dallas)
Registered: Jul 2003


 - posted 11-07-2006 09:33 PM      Profile for Chris Hipp   Email Chris Hipp   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know you have been sheltered your whole life, but there are far worse things that you could have seen.

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Jack Ondracek
Film God

Posts: 2308
From: Port Orchard, WA, USA
Registered: Oct 2002


 - posted 11-07-2006 11:15 PM      Profile for Jack Ondracek   Author's Homepage   Email Jack Ondracek   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You tell an interesting story, Jen... but I'm not sure you set up your problem all that well. OK, maybe your folks don't think the doors in their house should be locked. But then... it was your home, but it's now their place.

I have 3 daughters. Being "The Dad" can drive anyone nuts. My girls now have their own homes. One of them leaves me the extra keys to her car and her home... not so I can "check in" (which I don't), but because she's not confident of losing her copies. Call that one a matter of "reverse trust", if you will. I carry her key with the rest of mine, but she has no reason to think I'd ever "barge in". My other two have their own homes and keep their keys... their place, their rules. That's how we do things at my place, and it's fine for them, too.

My youngest visits frequently. She gets her room and what privacy she feels she needs. However, when she's here, she usually drives one of my cars. We agree that when she plans to be out late, with the SUV, I get phone calls at certain times after midnight, which doesn't mean I try to restrict how late she stays out. She doesn't drive when the "after-closing bar crowd" is on the streets. I get a call if she plans to be someplace all night, and I get a call when she's on her way home. Though she usually tells me, I don't ask who she's with or what she's doing... just that she's ok.

I think this strikes a reasonable compromise... and she's not complaining. When she's home, I "wait up", not to mention the use of our car. Therefore, I don't think a little communication is asking too much.

Apparently... for us... this works well enough. My daughters call and visit often. The youngest is in her university marching band and a local big band, and we get frequent invites to her appearances. My oldest is a basketball referee, and we attend a lot of her games, at her request.

Considering how these things could go, I'm certainly not complaining.

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Brad Miller
Administrator

Posts: 17689
From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall)
Registered: May 99


 - posted 11-07-2006 11:53 PM      Profile for Brad Miller   Author's Homepage   Email Brad Miller       Edit/Delete Post 
The whole lock thing is just your parent's friendly way of saying "it's time you expand your horizons", by gently making things such that you want to leave to have total privacy.

Torturing you with the sex visual is a different issue. That is a threat from them them saying "ENOUGH...GET OUT OR WE WILL KEEP DOING THIS IN FRONT OF YOU!" [Razz]

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Jennifer Pan
THE JEN!

Posts: 1219
From: Denver, Colorado
Registered: Nov 2003


 - posted 11-08-2006 12:07 AM      Profile for Jennifer Pan   Author's Homepage   Email Jennifer Pan   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah, I just had a lecture from my mom today. She was telling me that I might as well live alone if I don't do the things that make them happy. For example, be all nice and friendly to their house guests, who are staying over for a month. I have no desire to care about these guests so I go straight to my room and mind my own business. My mom flips out because I don't talk to these people. Then she tells me that I don't love her... and that I'm always trying to hurt them and embarrass them.

Since I live under their roof I have to go by their rules. Well, I'm out of there as soon as I find a better job.

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Dave Williams
Wet nipple scene

Posts: 1836
From: Salt Lake City, UT, USA
Registered: Jan 2000


 - posted 11-08-2006 01:37 AM      Profile for Dave Williams   Author's Homepage   Email Dave Williams   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I currently live with my In-Laws. They offered to have me and the mrs. stay as long as we needed. They are sympathetic to my health degrading for the many years it has. My wife goes to school so that I can eventually retire while I still have a few good years left.

While on the subject of health, I am currently in a partial remission of my RSD for the first time in five years. I still suffer from nearly unbearable nausia and virtigo from the medication, but the pain levels have been dropped six points from normal, although the spikes are still there. This is really the best anyone could have ever expected, and I will take whatever I can get. I expect to play basketball in January for the first time in five years, so I am pretty stoked about the whole thing.

I love the place I live in, even though I do have to put up with the constant intrusions and discussions on how we can improve our lives. For free rent I will take it. It helps with the medical bills and the IRS, and we expect to be debt free in Feb of 2007.

Between my mother in law not closing the bathroom door when she goes to the bathroom, or closing her bedroom door when she changes, and my father in law walking around in a bathrobe untied and no underwear, it is enough to just make you want to be homeless. But then he loves having me around, being the son he never had.

He actually has a son, but he is a total dork and keeps sneaking in the house to see if he can find financial records and the like. We changed all the locks and fiberglassed the windows, hooked up a total death alarm and have enough armaments to start another american revolution.

My own dad was a dork. This guy I can put up with.

Ciao

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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1498
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-08-2006 02:37 AM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know some people in Jen's position. Even though one individual is a college student in her mid 20's she is living at home and her folks treat her as if she were an early teenaqer...including dictating her car useage and setting curfews!

I guess that if you are living at home for free then you fall under their "rules". But if you are paying rent via $$ or physical labor around the house (chores) then you coud be considered a renter and entitled to certain privacy rights.

Cheers

Kutler

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Kelly Arciniaco
Film Handler

Posts: 6
From: Brick, NJ, USA
Registered: Nov 2006


 - posted 11-08-2006 10:55 AM      Profile for Kelly Arciniaco   Email Kelly Arciniaco   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm in the same situation you are, Jen. I still live at home while at school. It's also hard for me though because my step-mom is an alcoholic. Most of the time I stay away from the house at school, or at work. The worst part is having to explain EVERYTHING to my parents, where I'm going, when I'll be back, etc. It doesn't sound that bad, but when my mom's drunk she'll yell at me for, say, going to starbucks with my friend three days ago and spending too much money on coffee. (And trust me, she can spend a whole day screaming about coffee!) Hopefully I can save some money and get an apartment soon ^^

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Randy Stankey
Film God

Posts: 6426
From: Erie, Pennsylvania
Registered: Jun 99


 - posted 11-08-2006 01:22 PM      Profile for Randy Stankey   Email Randy Stankey   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
When you walk into a room to find your father boinking somebody who is NOT your mother, who then punishes YOU for your bad manners, give me a call...

[Frown]

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Mike Blakesley
Film God

Posts: 12448
From: Forsyth, Montana
Registered: Jun 99


 - posted 11-08-2006 01:58 PM      Profile for Mike Blakesley   Author's Homepage   Email Mike Blakesley   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote: Jennifer Pan
My parents are very old-school conservative
Given some of her past posts here, I get the feeling that THIS is the root of Jen's discomfort. [Wink]

Jen: At least your parents are still around to drive you crazy. My folks drive me crazy sometimes too, but when I think of the fact that they won't be around forever, it makes it easier to put up with. (I do admit that I couldn't live with them though...so I do feel your pain!)

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Chris Hipp
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1462
From: Mesquite, Tx (east of Dallas)
Registered: Jul 2003


 - posted 11-08-2006 02:18 PM      Profile for Chris Hipp   Email Chris Hipp   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think the same way, Mike. My family drives me nuts when they all talk about me when I'm not around. I mean, they will know what I had for dinner last night and they all just talk forever about it. It annoys me, but I know your family is really all you can count on and they won't always be there, so I just brush it off.

I used to be a whiney brat about this kind of stuff. But as I get older and realize that I don't know everything and can't do everything alone my thought proccess has changed.

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Brad Miller
Administrator

Posts: 17689
From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall)
Registered: May 99


 - posted 11-08-2006 02:22 PM      Profile for Brad Miller   Author's Homepage   Email Brad Miller       Edit/Delete Post 
This really isn't that surprising. We all had to live with our parents AND put up with whatever their rules were for a good 20 years (give or take). There is an amazing quantity of people in this world who can't hold a marriage for 20 years, and yet that person is someone who we picked as someone to spend the rest of our lives with. You can't pick your parents.

And before someone comes on here whining about how much they love their parents, yeah sure ok I get your point...but the fact remains you DID move out! [evil]

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Chris Hipp
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1462
From: Mesquite, Tx (east of Dallas)
Registered: Jul 2003


 - posted 11-08-2006 02:55 PM      Profile for Chris Hipp   Email Chris Hipp   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
..but the fact remains you DID move out! [evil]
You sure about that?

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Steve Scott
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1300
From: Minneapolis, MN
Registered: Sep 2000


 - posted 11-08-2006 03:51 PM      Profile for Steve Scott   Email Steve Scott   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Around age 17, I tore out of my shell & decided to test the waters of logic & experience that exist outside of the home sphere of influence. Doing so made my folks feel obviously threatened. To this day, they still believe they hold the end-all right ways to do everything & I ought to have only listened to their advice. It was only a year before that my mom finally had to let go of the idea that I would wait til marriage to have sex...

I had to tell them sorry, but I wouldn't take one or two people advice for granted, ever, without conisdering all alternatives. I moved out & in making my share of mistakes, only had to move back in with them once, for three months. It was awkward as hell. They thought I'd mold myself into their empty nest lifestyle for some reason. If I had friends hang out late at night, they'd lose sleep prowling around us, but nevertheless leave out ashtrays (when I was a smoker).

They now mostly accept how I live differently from them, how cleanliness of my living space isn't my utmost priority & how I'm not one to dash out to the clinic at most any symptom. I live two towns over from them, now, and when we get together I still feel sort of alien to them.

They always suggest I should move back in with them to pay off my debt. But I don't stop at 9pm like they do. I'm not a sports fan, like my younger brother who's constantly at home. I'm also the only sibling with a romantic agenda, so the parents' house is an albatross I can't bear to deal with.

I appreciate the offer, but after my school years I really expanded myself into the greater world. Going back only works in small doses.

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Brad Miller
Administrator

Posts: 17689
From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall)
Registered: May 99


 - posted 11-08-2006 05:00 PM      Profile for Brad Miller   Author's Homepage   Email Brad Miller       Edit/Delete Post 
Chris, I wasn't referring to The Jen. I said "before someone comes on here...." silly.

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