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Author Topic: Things you like to say but never do. Michael Brown Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1522 From: Bradford, England Registered: May 2001 posted 07-20-2003 04:27 PM                     1) I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. 2) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3) How about never? Is never good for you? 4) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way. 6) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 7) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 8) I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 9) It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. 10) Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again. 11) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 12) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 13) I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn. 14) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 15) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 16) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 17) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 18) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 19) What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? 20) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 21) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 22) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 23) And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 24) Do I look like a people person? 25) This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 26) I started out with nothing & still have most of it left! 27) Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 28) If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29) Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 30) Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed it. 31) I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 32) A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 33) Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 34) Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 35) How do I set a laser printer to stun? 36) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.  |  IP: Logged Randy Stankey Film God Posts: 6539 From: Erie, Pennsylvania Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-20-2003 04:47 PM                     If people would just shut up and do what I tell them, we'd all be a lot better off!  |  IP: Logged Evans A Criswell Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1579 From: Huntsville, AL, USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 07-20-2003 05:10 PM                        When I see someone trying to deal with their misbehaving kid: "If you'd used a condom, you wouldn't be having that problem."  |  IP: Logged Michael Schaffer "Where is the Boardwalk Hotel?" Posts: 4143 From: Boston, MA Registered: Apr 2002 posted 07-20-2003 05:17 PM                        A variation of 2) I like to use: "What is your illness called?" You can also always say: "I know you had a bad childhood, but..." or simply "it is not my fault you had a bad childhood". A variation of what Evans said, if you see someone with their misbehaved kids, you can say to the parents "it is not the kids` fault, it is their messed up parents".  |  IP: Logged Joe Redifer You need a beating today Posts: 12859 From: Denver, Colorado Registered: May 99 posted 07-20-2003 05:23 PM                        Personally I say what a lot of people are afraid to, because I'm not a pussy (most people are). But still, there are a lot of things I hold back. It depends on the situation and I can't think of anything now.  |  IP: Logged Bobby Henderson "Ask me about Trajan." Posts: 10973 From: Lawton, OK, USA Registered: Apr 2001 posted 07-20-2003 06:48 PM                     I pretty much call things how I see them. I try not to be cruel about it. But when someone is being a dick, they really need to be cut down to size. I guess if I shut up I might have a better chance of getting married.  |  IP: Logged Randy Stankey Film God Posts: 6539 From: Erie, Pennsylvania Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-20-2003 07:26 PM                     When you see an able-bodied person parking in a Handicap space: Oh! So, "Handicap" includes "Mental"?! (I've actually said this, but not at work.)  |  IP: Logged Dave Williams Wet nipple scene Posts: 1836 From: Salt Lake City, UT, USA Registered: Jan 2000 posted 07-20-2003 08:44 PM                        I once threw a handful of quarters at a guy who insisted that I was trying to rip him off when he lost at a video game in my theater. He didn't pick them up, but he did buy a large popcorn and a large dring and stayed quiet in the movie. I usually don't censor myself. I just say the things that need to be said, even if they are based upon my bieng bi-polar. Dave  |  IP: Logged Andrew Duggan Expert Film Handler Posts: 127 From: Albany, NY, USA Registered: Jun 2002 posted 07-21-2003 01:19 AM                        I don't think I can answer this on the grounds that it may bring the entire species down a notch or two in the morality dept...  |  IP: Logged Evans A Criswell Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1579 From: Huntsville, AL, USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 07-21-2003 09:38 AM                        quote: I guess if I shut up I might have a better chance of getting married. Bobby, don't you know that marriage is the chief cause of divorce in this country? In our local large mall, Madison Square Mall, I used to get bugged a lot by those people that do surveys all the time. They'd wait at the bottom of the escalator for people to come down so there would be no way to avoid them. I once wanted to ask one of them, "Are you doing this because you're too stupid to do anything else?" but I didn't. People that go to the mall infrequently probably aren't bothered by them, but since I go there and walk around for exercise a good bit, I get annoyed walking past them several times in an hour. I've wanted to say something to people in stores that are programmed to give off a "false friendliness" statement. Since I go in a lot of stores frequently, changes in policy for the staff are very obvious. There was this CD store called "Tape World" that I used to go in, and suddenly one day, all of the staff would come up to me and say "Hello. Welcome to Tape World." (and some other stuff too that I can't remember (often "Can I help you find anything?"). After about 3 times, I was tempted to respond, "Polly wanna cracker?" or "I come in here several times a week. You don't have to do that when you see me." or "New policy?" I never did because I didn't want to piss off these people. I could always tell when someone was new because they'd use these lines on me a couple of times until they got where they recognized me. As for "Can I help you find anything?" Maybe I should respond "Not now, I'm just looking, but if I can help YOU find anything, let me know." Record (CD) stores used to have older people in them that knew a lot more about different types of music. Back in the 1980s, I could visit almost any record store and the people working there knew a lot more about music than they do now. Nowadays, the high-school aged people working in these stores know nothing except about the few types of music they listen to. If I'm in one of these stores and hear an older person asking about stuff from the 50s through the 80s, I can usually always help them a lot better than the people in the stores. Many times, I can name the specific CDs that have the song they want and can find them more quickly than the store people can. Most youngsters have never heard of most of the 50s and 60s artists.  |  IP: Logged Randy Stankey Film God Posts: 6539 From: Erie, Pennsylvania Registered: Jun 99 posted 07-21-2003 12:05 PM                     Try THIS in a restaurant: Waitress: "Hi! My name is Cyndi! I'll be your waitress!" Customer: "Hi, Cyndi! My name is <YOUR NAME>! I'll be your customer!" The confused looks on their faces are priceless! I do this virtually every time I eat in a restaurant! Everybody ought to make this a habit!  |  IP: Logged Brad Miller Administrator Posts: 17775 From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall) Registered: May 99 posted 07-21-2003 02:18 PM                     quote: "Polly wanna cracker?" You know I think Loews still has that policy where after the movie an employee must be present at the exit door and say "thank you for coming to Lowes" as fast as they can repeatedly, because of course they have to thank every individual customer. That nice idea on paper turns into a cold "alright get out" when you are exiting a theater and get to hear it about 20 times while you are within earshot. Several years back UA came up with a policy to welcome everyone. The line was "welcome to United Artists" (assumingly from the tank-topped welcome lady from the policy trailers). The orders were to welcome every patron. We did it for a couple of days and it was just ridiculous with the looks we were getting, so we altered it just a bit. By speaking louder and making multiple eye contact throughout the sentence we would welcome clumps of people. All of the "you are a robot" stares went away and it became more sincere. (I've no idea if UA still has this or a similar policy.)  |  IP: Logged John Pytlak Film God Posts: 9987 From: Rochester, NY 14650-1922 Registered: Jan 2000 posted 07-21-2003 02:31 PM                        I agree that a personal "greeting" repeated to each and every customer in the same "robotic" way is lame. But if a uniformed employee is waiting as people exit, and actually tries to engage in conversation with a few customers ("Did you enjoy the movie? Was everything okay?"), at least they know theatre personnel are there to help them, and you may actually learn something that needs improvement ("The theatre was so cold I was shivering", or "Whenever the sound came from the left, it sounded raspy and distorted"). The "personal touch" is great, IF it is sincere.  |  IP: Logged Evans A Criswell Phenomenal Film Handler Posts: 1579 From: Huntsville, AL, USA Registered: Mar 2000 posted 07-21-2003 02:32 PM                        On a similar note, remember the "buh-bye" sketch from Saturday Night Live from years ago (people getting off a plane)?  |  IP: Logged Matt Hale Expert Film Handler Posts: 123 From: Vancouver, Canada Registered: Dec 2002 posted 07-21-2003 04:04 PM                        A friend of mine who works in a used computer store is quite famous for speaking whatever is on his mind. Usually they keep him away from the customers but on one particular occasion a month or so ago I dropped in to find he was the only one there... A woman had brought in an old 286-level machine that she wanted to sell, and was getting quite indignant that he would not buy it from her. In her mind if it turned on, it had to be worth at least $200. After debating it with him at length and not getting anywhere, she finally threw up her hands and said "Well what the [expletive] am I supposed to do with it, then?" and my friend looked right at her with a strait face and said "Marvel at the antiquity." Well the whole store burst out laughing at this, and she picked up her piece of junk and fled.  |  IP: Logged

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