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Author Topic: Best and worst pickup lines
Brad Miller

Posts: 17687
From: Plano, TX (36.2 miles NW of Rockwall)
Registered: May 99

 - posted 12-06-2000 03:36 AM      Profile for Brad Miller   Author's Homepage   Email Brad Miller       Edit/Delete Post 
Anyone heard any really bad pickup lines lately? (Warning, some of these are a bit crude.)

"I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?"

Guy: "So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Girl: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "Hiding from you!"

"Oh baby, you look so good I could drink your bath water!"

Girl to guy: "Can I take you home and wake up in the morning with my face feeling like a glazed doughnut?"

"Hey babe, I have clean underwear on!"

Customer: What time do you get off?
Barmaid: That depends on how good you are!

"One way or another I'm going to make love to you tonight, but I'd rather you be there."

Man: "Do you want to go get a pizza and have sex?"
(assuming woman says no)
Man: "What's the matter...You don't like pizza?"

"I'm not looking for a relationship... I'm looking for an experience."

"Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is no) OK then, can we just practice?"

"Hey you don't sweat much for a fat girl."

"Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"

"Lets take a shower together -- you smell."

"Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

"You're ugly…but you intrigue me."

She (to passing man): "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
He: "Do you have the energy?"

"You know, I'd really like to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone has beat me to it."

"Would you like to dance?" (if the answer is no) "I'm sorry you must have misunderstood me. I said: You look fat in those pants."

"You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up my driveway!"

"I just *love* women who aren't afraid to put on a few pounds."

"Hi, can I buy you several drinks?"

Lick your index finger and wipe it on your shirt then hers and say, "How about you and me get out of these wet clothes?"

At the office copy machine: "Reproducing eh?", "Can I help?"

Guy motions with his finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there: "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum!"

"I love every bone in your body - especially mine."

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?"

"Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't think I recognize you with your clothes on?"

Guy says to girl that has shot down other blatantly sexual lines, "Want to go back to my place and do some math?" pause for questioned face... "We'll add you to me, subtract our clothing, divide your legs, and multiply."

"Hi! My friends call me Creepy."

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Sean McKinnon
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1573
From: Peabody Massachusetts
Registered: Sep 2000

 - posted 12-06-2000 11:40 PM      Profile for Sean McKinnon   Email Sean McKinnon   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey Baby wanna see my scope lens?

Hey baby I go from FLAT to SCOPE in 3.5 seconds

Hey baby my scopelens has a big throw distance

Corny yes. And they will only work at a trade convention

I love to smoke I smoke seventhousand packs a day and I'm never F*&ing quittin!-- Denis Leary

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Dwayne Caldwell
Master Film Handler

Posts: 323
From: Rockwall, TX, USA
Registered: Apr 2000

 - posted 12-07-2000 03:18 AM      Profile for Dwayne Caldwell   Email Dwayne Caldwell   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I remember this bad pick up line that's used in a bookstore or library:

Hey baby. Wanna come back to my place for a little Dickens?

The man with the magic hands.

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Ethan Harper

Posts: 325
From: Plano, TX, USA
Registered: May 2000

 - posted 12-07-2000 08:37 PM      Profile for Ethan Harper   Email Ethan Harper   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do your feet hurt? Because you've been running thourgh my mind all day.

Did it Hurt? When you fell from heaven.

Guy looks at tag in back of girls shirt and says, "Ohh just what I thought,...made in Heaven".

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can totally see my self in your pants.

If I said that you have a nice body would you hold it against me?

If you were yogurt would you be the fruit on the bottom or stirred?

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Ethan Harper

Posts: 325
From: Plano, TX, USA
Registered: May 2000

 - posted 12-07-2000 09:14 PM      Profile for Ethan Harper   Email Ethan Harper   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How bout going out for pizza and a movie, by pizza I mean sex and by movie I mean we'll record it on video.

Do you believe in Love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?

Wow are those real?

Cold isnt't it? (staring at breasts)

True there are a lot of fish in the sea but, your the only one that I want to catch and mount over my fireplace.

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

If I could rewrite the alphabet I would put you and I together.

I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some

That's a nice shirt, it would go great with
my floor.

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

Can you get on your knees and smile like a doughnut.

If you were a platter would you be on the top or on the bottom? Id be in the middle.

I could go on all night so I better stop know.

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Evans A Criswell
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1579
From: Huntsville, AL, USA
Registered: Mar 2000

 - posted 12-07-2000 09:20 PM      Profile for Evans A Criswell   Author's Homepage   Email Evans A Criswell   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ahhh... bad pick up lines. Here are some more:

Hey honey, you look finer than a new set of snow tires!

Hey! That's a nice dress. I wonder what it would look like on me?

I hope you're not a vegetarian because I have some sausage for you to sample.

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Gracia L. Babbidge
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 709
From: Bowdoin, Maine
Registered: Aug 2000

 - posted 12-08-2000 06:02 AM      Profile for Gracia L. Babbidge   Author's Homepage   Email Gracia L. Babbidge   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Heh, you boys certainly know some humorous pick-up lines...

So here's another for the repertoire:
"Hey, do you know the difference between sex and scrambled eggs?" (pause, waiting for a negatory response) "Well, how would you like to come back to my place, and we can discuss it over breakfast?"

Now, while all these pickup lines may be funny, they hardly ever work.

This one stands a better chance of working, particulary when you are meeting someone for the first time:
"Hi. I'm single... Oops! I mean I'm _______." (fill in the blank with your name when you use it on someone, duh!)


In some cultures, what I do is considered normal.

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Randy Stankey
Film God

Posts: 6425
From: Erie, Pennsylvania
Registered: Jun 99

 - posted 12-08-2000 10:43 PM      Profile for Randy Stankey   Email Randy Stankey   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Place a paper bag over his/her head...

Me: "Okay, do the FIRST THING."

Thee: "What??"

Me: "I KNEW if I got you in the sack, you wouln't know the first thing!"

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Erik Schill
Film Handler

Posts: 38
From: Rochester, NY, USA
Registered: Nov 2000

 - posted 12-10-2000 01:09 PM      Profile for Erik Schill   Email Erik Schill   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
the saddest thing about the 2 lines I'm about to give, is that I have a friend who has actually used them...first some background info, in wonderful churchville ny there is a gas station, with this lady, about 23-24 who works there, she has 2 kids, and if semi-attractive, one night my friend (drunk off his ass of course) walks in gets a pack of cigarettes, looks at her and says "DAMN mother, want another?", then there is this line (from the same kid) and this is his prode and joy, I've seen him use it no less then 10 times, but I can't recall it ever working, he'd go up to a girl and look at her and say "DAMN girl, your smokin' wanna go halfs on a bastard?"

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Matt Gardner
Film Handler

Posts: 15
From: Charleston, S.C., USA
Registered: Aug 2000

 - posted 12-27-2000 01:21 PM      Profile for Matt Gardner   Email Matt Gardner   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How about these?

637 of the greatest pickup lines
1. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
2. Nice shoes, wanna f*ck?
3. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
4. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
5. [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
OR: Checking to see if you're the right size.
6. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
7. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
8. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
9. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
10. [Grab her tush. ] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
11. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
12. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
13. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
14. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
15. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
16. Do you want to see something swell?
17. Hey babe. . . do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
18. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.
19. I'd look good on you.
20. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
21. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know. ) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart. "
22. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
23. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
24. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
25. HI! Can I buy you a car?
26. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
27. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
28. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum. "
29. Excuse me. Do you want to f*ck or should I apologize?
30. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
31. Hey babe. . . can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
32. Hey babe. . . can you suck start a Harley?
33. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f*ck?
[Slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
34. Excuse me, have I f*cked you yet?
35. Fancy a f*ck?
36. Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna f*ck?
37. I am a magical being, take off your bra.
38. Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
39. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
40. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover. "
41. Can I flirt with you?
42. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
43. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
44. F*ck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
45. F*ck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
46. Bond. James Bond.
47. That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
48. Drop 'em!
49. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
50. I love you. I want to marry you. Now f*ck my brains out.
51. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
52. NOW, B*TCH!
53. Say, did we go to different schools together?
54. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
55. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
56. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
57. I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me. " And watch them try to hold back their laughter.
58. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
59. You remind me of a girl I used to date.
60. What do you like for breakfast?
61. Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
62. Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
63. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
64. Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
65. If I followed you home, would you keep me?
66. Wanna f*ck like bunnies?
67. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
68. Would you like to dance or should I go f*ck myself again?
69. Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
70. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
71. Your place or mine?
72. Your face or MINE!?
73. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
74. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
75. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
76. Sex is a killer. . . want to die happy?
77. Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
78. If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?
79. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
80. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No. ) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
81. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
82. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
83. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
84. Do you have a boyfriend?
[No] Want one?
[Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
85. I'm easy. Are you?
86. Are we related? Do you want to be?
87. Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
88. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
89. I'm leaving this place. . want to cum?
90. Come on, you can't get pregnant again.
91. Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!
92. If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
93. What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
94. Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
95. I am conducting a feel test of how many woman have pierced nipples?
96. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's
97. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
98. Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
99. You smell wet. Let's Party.
100. Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.
101. Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
102. Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
103. I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting. . Let's meet sometime. . .
104. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
105. No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
106. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
107. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
108. Excuse me, do you live around here often?
109. Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
110. What's your sign?
111. You have the *ss of a great artist.
112. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
113. Let's take a shower together -- you smell.
114. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.
115. If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
116. Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew. . .
117. Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
118. Hey. . somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
119. What was that sound?" "It was the sound of my heart breaking.
120. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
121. Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
122. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
123. Have you ever played leap frog naked ??
124. I'll bet you 100 bucks that you couldn't get all your clothes off in 30 seconds
125. Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire
126. Would you like to see me naked ??
127. Do you like chicken? Suck this it's foul!
128. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna do lunch!
129. I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
130. Sit on my face and let me get to 'nose' you better?
131. Do you spit or swallow?
132. So. . . . How am I doin'?
133. I would give you a piece of my mind but I have much more of something else.
134. Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night
135. I would kill or die to make love with you.
136. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
137. The word of the day is "legs. " Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
138. Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
139. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
140. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
141. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
142. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
143. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
144. I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
145. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
146. I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
147. Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get 'em while they're hot!
148. Do you come here often?
149. Where do you live?
150. Hi. I'm Big Brother. I've been watching you. . .
151. Where have you been all my life?
152. Would you like to join me in the Bahamas next week?
153. Think you can dance in those shoes?
154. (Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it. "
155. Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell
you. "
156. Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
157. Hey, I know you! You were Miss Maryland last year, weren't you?
158. I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
159. I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that pastry you just ate.
160. When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
161. A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
162. At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
163. Say mother, want another? (if she has kids)
164. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
165. [Lick your finger, then touch you and your "friend's" shoulder] How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?
166. My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.
167. Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
168. Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
169. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
170. I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
171. Wow! Are those real?
172. Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
173. You've got to refer me to your plastic surgeon.
174. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
175. Do you take it up the *ss?
176. Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me?
177. What would you do if I kissed you right now?
178. I'm drunk.
179. You know, I'd really love to f*ck your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.
180. Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?
181. Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us.
182. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
183. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
184. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your *ss when I'm finished.
185. Will you marry me and have my children?
186. I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles b*tch!
187. Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
188. Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
189. That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
190. Can I see your tan lines?
191. I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
192. You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
193. (leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
194. I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
195. I'll bet you $50 I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds
196. I'm sorry I'm an artist and it's my job to stare at beautiful women.
197. Hi. You'll do.
198. Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are. . . gorgeous!
199. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?
200. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
201. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?
202. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
203. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
204. That dress looks great on you. . . as a matter of fact, so would I.
205. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
206. Pardon me, are you in heat?!
207. Are you O. K. ? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
208. You know, I never was to good at math. . . like if I put you and I together, I'd get 69.
209. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
210. You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
211. You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
212. Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
213. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
214. Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!
215. Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
216. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
217. When she asks, "What do you think of this (dress, sweater, blouse, etc. )" Say: I like nothing better.
218. At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask, "Wanna roll?"
219. That's a really nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you are wearing.
220. Ask girl if she likes jewelry. Then grab your nuts and say, "Then suck this, it's a gem!"
221. You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.
222. (Good looking waitress pouring a drink) Say when! As soon as I finish this drink.
223. Lie down. I think I love you.
224. What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
225. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
226. My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place.
227. Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
228. Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
229. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out. . . . ) Would you like to?
230. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
231. I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
232. You: Tickle your *ss with a feather? Her: What?! You: I said 'Particular nice weather?'!
233. Hey baby, wanna play train conductor? OK. You sit on my face and I'll Chew, chew, chew! (choo!)
234. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
235. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
236. Oh, you're a bird watcher. . . . (Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
237. Stand back, I'm a police officer! You go call for backup and I'll frisk her!
238. Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out!
239. Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.
240. (At church during a sermon) (Put your arm around your gal. . . ) Honey, I don't know where he is. . . . (motioning to the preacher) but I do know I'm here
with you.
241. Baby, you look better and better each day. . . and tonight, you look like tomorrow!
242. Here's a quarter. . . . call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight!
243. Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
244. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your arm around her, and say, "Hi Kate!" She says, "I'm not Kate!" And you say, as your hand slips a little lower,
"But you sure feel like her!"
245. She: Gee, I really enjoyed myself tonight! He: Me too. Maybe we could let our bodies enjoy each other sometime!
246. You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
247. What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?
248. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the
straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic
249. I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower. Ahhh.
250. I have only three months to live. . .
251. Hey baby, what's your sign? All you can eat?
252. In the produce department: "How can you tell if these things are ripe?"
253. Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
254. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
255. Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz you're dope.
256. Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
257. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
258. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
259. As she's leaving. . . . Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
260. Have you run into any trees lately? Then how bout a root!
261. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
262. Want to see my stamp collection?
263. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3. 5 inches and it ain't floppy.
264. Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no') , OK then, can we just practice?
265. Excuse me, you have some lipstick on your tooth, mind if I lick it off?
266. Do you know how to use a whip?
267. Do you wash your panties with Windex? Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
268. Are those space pants? Cuz your *ss is out of this world!
269. How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
270. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
271. Hi, wanna f*ck?
Her: No!
Mind lying down while I have one?
272. Baby, I'm an American Express lover. . . . you shouldn't go home without me!
273. Baby, I'm a Nike lover. . . . just do it.
274. Hi, my name is "Milk. " I'll do your body good.
275. Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
276. I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
Her: No.
Well then, please start.
277. I've got the ship, you've got the harbor. . . what say we tie up for the night?
278. Would you like to come over to my place later? You can bring some friends because my face seats five.
279. Wanna go halves in a baby?
280. I hear you like to sing.
Her: Yeah. . .
(Whip out your pud) Well, then step up to the mike!
281. Beauty is only a light switch away. . .
282. Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well, I am, wanna wear me?
283. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
284. Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
285. Stand still so I can pick you up!
286. Hi, we're taking a survey and I need your phone number. If you give it to me, I'll call you and tell you the results.
287. I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
288. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
289. Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car!
290. Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?
291. Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
292. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
293. Pardon me, but are those stretch marks around your mouth?
294. Do you hula?
295. I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
296. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
297. I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
298. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
299. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
300. Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her "do you want a f*ck (wait for a second gauging her reaction) . . . ing drink.
301. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
302. Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
303. Excuse me do fries come with that shake?
304. I'd spend money on you I haven't even made.
305. I would give you more money than a show dog could jump over.
306. Baby, you look good coming AND going!
307. I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
308. I can't decide if you are a better person than you are a woman or you are a better woman than you are a person.
309. Well hello there! How you screwin; glad to eat ya!
310. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
311. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
312. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
313. You look like my third wife.
She: Oh, how many time have you been married?
314. Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
315. I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
316. You know what I like about you? My arms.
317. What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
318. So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
319. You make my software turn to hardware!
320. As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
321. Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
322. Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
323. Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you!
324. Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
325. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
326. You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room
327. There are 256 bones in the human body. How'd ya like one more?
328. You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
329. You're ugly but you intrigue me.
330. I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
331. (Wait til the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, ) come on, we're
332. You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
333. Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime?
334. I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc. ] on the floor at the club last night, is it yours? Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it to you anyway.
335. Is that your boyfriend? I think you can do better than that!
336. I keep all of my most important poems and drawings in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you.
337. Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm. . . . weird chick.
338. We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f*ck.
339. By the way, are you 23?
340. Roses are red, tulips are not, do you wanna go home with me and f*ck
341. Just wanted to tell you I love the way you dance.
342. Hi. Are you cute?
343. So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full refund.
344. So you're a girl huh?
345. Do you like food?
346. Do you like music?
347. what lovely eyes you have. . . I used to have some just like them.
348. Blow me if I'm wrong, but you wanna f*ck me.
349. Are you here alone or am I going to have to kill someone to win your affection?
350. I'd like to tie you to a rafter and f*ck you up and down.
351. Would you please come home with me and tie me up. . .
352. Wow.
353. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.
354. (While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything) Oh, I'm doing fine! And you?
355. Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?
356. Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good restaurant here. Would you also like to join me?
357. My drink is getting lonely, so would you like to join me with one?
358. Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
359. Hey! I like your shoes! Do you like mine??
360. walk up to a girl, put your hands on her shoulders, and say, "I'd like to get something straight between us. " and then look at your crotch
361. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
362. Can I taste your drink/dish? (Then lean over and kiss her. )
363. Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?
364. Can I please be your slave tonight?
365. You should be someone's wife.
366. What can I do to make you sleep with me?
367. Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?
368. Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
369. Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
She (sheepishly): Yes.
Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?
We've established what kind of woman that you are, we're just haggling over the price.
370. You know, I've *always* wanted to sleep with you.
371. If you spot a girl waiting in a restaurant/theater/club for someone, go up to her and say, "If he doesn't show up, I'll be right over here. "
--OR-- Waiting to be picked up?
372. Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne.
373. God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
374. Be unique and different, say yes.
375. If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.
376. Would you like to be in movies?
377. Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose.
What? reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP.
378. I wonder what our children will look like.
379. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
380. Take off that dress and f*ck my brains out, you cave newt.
381. Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?
382. Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
383. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
384. Want to see my stamp collection?
385. Don't you know me from somewhere?
386. Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
387. Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
388. Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
389. Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
390. I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements?
391. (Walk into her chest) "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
392. Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A. M. ?
393. Love is like a rug. So you can walk all over me and lie on me.
394. Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.
395. Excuse me, do you have change for a $1000 bill?
396. Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
397. Will you marry me for just one night?
398. I'm an organ donor, need anything?
399. Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs.
400. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
401. Just where do those legs of yours end?
402. Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
403. Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here.
404. Does my breath smell okay?
405. You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.
406. You are so fine that I'd eat your sh*t just to see where it came from.
407. If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
408. Here's your chance to get to know me.
409. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
410. You are the reason men fall in love.
411. I was, am, and will forever be crazy about you.
412. I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
413. Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
414. Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
415. You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
416. Hi, I'm new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I've see so far. Can you give me a tour of your body?
417. You're the one I've been saving this drink/seat/ticket to Hawaii for.
418. Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
419. . You know, I'm not just an interesting person, I have a nice body, too.
420. . What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
421. What time do you have to be back in heaven?
422. So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
423. You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
424. F*ck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
425. F*ck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
426. I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?
427. Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.
428. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
429. I would say that I'm in love with you, but you'd think I'm trying to pull a fast one.
430. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
431. May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you?
432. I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.
433. I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'. . .
434. Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
435. Carry a screw in your pocket and ask girls, "Wanna screw?"
436. Carry a balloon in your pocket and ask girls, "Can you blow this for me?"
437. Hold a burger in your hand and ask girls, "Wanna taste my beef?"
438. Hi, I need your help! My mom says that if I don't get a date by tomorrow, she's putting me up for adoption.
439. You know, my mother says you have the smoothest complexion of anyone she knows.
440. You look just like my mother.
441. Ya know, my mother would just *love* you if I brought you to my place tonight and then to her place tomorrow.
442. You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
443. Ya know, you look really *hot*! You must be real reason for global warming.
444. So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
445. You remind me of bacon, the way you sizzle.
446. Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
447. Which is easier? Getting into those tight pants or getting out of them?
448. You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth.
449. Are you cold? You should be; you've been naked in my mind all night.
450. Like the look of your crotch.
451. I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
452. I've got a condom with your name on it.
453. Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time.
454. Can you believe it? It's been more than fifteen minutes since I've had sex.
455. My friend and I made a bet and I need to check if those are implants.
456. I know a charming little motel with a cheap hourly rate.
457. I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you.
458. Erections like these don't grow on trees you know.
459. Excuse me, mind if I stare at you for a minute? I want to remember your face for my dreams.
460. You're what God was thinking of when He said, "Let there be woman. "
461. I am playing with your mind like you have been playing with my hormones.
462. . Can I light your fire, I mean cigarette?
463. Are you as good as they say you are?
464. Baby, I got a backstage pass to your *ss!
465. How would you like to get something off your chest tonight?
466. Have you ever seen a giant sequoia?
467. I've never done this before but I feel like we were meant for each other.
468. Anything drugs can do, I can do with my tongue!
469. I'm single!
470. I'm sure you didn't mean to turn me on with your big tits, but it's too late now!
471. I haven't seen you in a while, you sure look different without my dick in your mouth.
472. Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.
473. Let's bypass all the bullsh*t and just get naked.
474. Let's play army. I'll go lay down and you can blow the hell out of me.
475. Do you believe in one night stands?
476. With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear!
477. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
478. There's something about you that I like. I just can't put my finger on it.
479. I like women's milk, especially the package.
480. My name is _____, but you can call me tonight.
481. How 'bout I slip into something a little more comfortable. . . like you, for example.
482. I'm a milkman. Want it in the front or the back?
483. My friends call me Orange. Wanna squeeze me?
484. My friends call me Booger. Wanna eat me?
485. My friends call me scab. You should pick me.
486. I'm a pilot. Can I see your cockpit?
487. My friends call me Santa. Wanna sit on my lap?
488. My name is butthole. What's up yours?
489. My name is Richard, but my friends call me dick. Wanna know why?
490. You're legs are like peanut butter. Smooth and creamy and easy to spread.
491. I'm a caveman. Lets go spelunking.
492. I'm an army man, wanna see my cannon?
493. I'm a doctor, take your clothes off.
494. Honey, you look better than a new set of snow tires.
495. Your boobies are almost as big as my moms.
496. (While in the countryside) You're car break down here often?
497. You know, my mother has that same dress.
498. Can I look up your dress?
499. I work at a condom factory, wanna test my product?
500. They don't call me the Italian Stallion for nothing.
501. My name's Clark Kent. Let's go strip in a telephone booth.
502. Put you lippers on my zipper.
503. I'm gonna rape you! Just kidding, what's your name?
504. Didn't I see you on a street corner?
505. Wanna watch a porno?
506. Do you have a fever? You look pretty hot from here.
507. Want to smell my cologne? It cost 2 dollars for a half gallon.
508. I'll take you to McDonalds on prom night.
509. Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. (laugh profusely)
510. Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.
511. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
512. I wanted to play games with your esophagus.
513. What tastes bad, is white and sticky? Mayonnaise dumb*ss.
514. My penis was blown off in `nam.
515. When you told me to f*ck off was that a no?
516. Would you consider dating a child molester?
517. My name is Todd, and Todd is a gay name.
518. Please excuse me if I appear erect. I am.
519. I'm a police officer, and I will be forced to due a body cavity search.
520. Elvis is my father. Who's yo daddy?
521. Have you ever lit your farts on fire? You want to?
522. What color are your pubic hairs?
523. Have you ever played nintendo for 72 hours straight?
524. Hey, I found some money!
525. I'm not wearing any underwear.
526. Wanna go for a drive on RUDE 69?
527. Lets play bowling. I can shove my fingers in you, then throw you in the gutter.
528. I am your puppet.
529. Want to see who can pee the farthest?
530. My name's alfalfa. Wanna pluck my sprout?
531. I like to read the comics. How about you?
532. I'm an Indian. See my totem pole.
533. I drive fast. Wanna burn rubber?
534. My name is Mr. Kernaghan. Let me touch your butt.
535. I once went through 4 condoms in one night of masturbating.
536. Pardon me, but how much do you weigh.
537. If you had six nipples and a wet nose you'd be as good as my dog.
538. Yippee, I'm wet.
539. I only buy playboy for the articles.
540. I haven't gotten any in 2 years, what about you?
541. Wanna go play twister naked?
542. When I was little I had an erecter set.
543. Ever heard the song Detachable Penis?
544. I'm a pyro, and my fire burns only for you.
545. I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
546. I work the fries at McDonald's and I save the grease too.
547. Have you ever used spam in bed?
548. Baby. . . You're Elite.
549. I'm an astronaut. Wanna see my rocket?
550. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f*ck you on the floor.
551. I couldn't help noticing that you were a chick, and, you know, chicks dig me. . .
552. I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.
553. What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
554. Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
555. How was heaven when you left it?
556. What's that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle.
557. The party's in your mouth, can I cum?
558. Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
559. My girlfriend's pregnant. Will you go out with me?
560. Is your name Gillette? 'Cause you're the best a man can get.
561. Got a buck. Wanna f*ck?
562. Would you like to sit down?
I'll warm a place for you to sit. (rub your face trying to get it warm)
563. You have the kind of legs that I like, feet on one end, pussy on the other.
564. Here let me help you with these. (as you grab her boobs)
565. I'm blind. . but I can read braile. (as you feel her nipples)
566. I know I stink, but my shower's broken. Can I use yours?
567. Do you want to dance? [No] Huh? I said you look sh*tty in those pants.
568. I'd like to use your panties to make soup.
569. Girl, you look so good I want to plant you and grow an entire field full of you.
570. Hey baby, wanna play firechief? I'll play the firehouse and you can slide down my pole.
571. Darlin' you remind me of a glass of milk 'cause I'm sure you'd do the body good.
572. For a minute there I thought I had died and gone to heaven, but now I realize I am very much alive and heaven has been brought to me.
573. My doctor said my pillow was bad for my neck, he said that women's breasts are much better. May I use yours?
574. Did your parents work for GE? 'Cause they bring good things to life.
575. Hi, I'm 12 inches long.
576. Wanna f*ck? Be original, everyone else says no.
577. Hey, you have really nice eyes. I guess I never noticed them before because I was always looking at your body.
578. If you want to have sex with me, rub my penis once. If you don't, rub it a thousand times.
579. Do you like apples?
[Yes] How 'bout I throw you on the floor and f*ck you, how do you like them apples?
580. Wanna dance?
[No] You must have misheard me, I said your butt's the size of France.
581. Kiss me baby, I'm thirsty.
582. My dick's two inches. . . [quizzical look]. . . from the floor.
583. If sexy was a virus. . . . . you would have a disease!
584. I can make you hot, when I hit the spot.
585. What's up? Hey look at that, I am!
586. Ok, but $50 is my last offer.
587. Look at your pants, "Call a lumberjack, we've got wood. "
588. If you make the letter A with your legs, my penis will do the rest!!!
589. Are you as good in bed as your mom?
590. Nice breasts, our children will love sucking on them.
591. Hey baby, nice pussy.
592. Your breasts are soft on my eyes, but hard on my cock.
593. Hi, I work for the FBI - Female Body Inspector.
594. It must suck not being asked to dance.
[but I do] Oh, men are usually intimidated by the best-looking woman in the bar.
595. I wish you were a screen door so I could slam you all day long.
596. Whaddya say we go get liquored up and rape each other?
597. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
598. Excuse me, what time is it? [She answers] June 14, 1981, okay, just wanted to remember the exact date and time I met you.
599. Is my underwear showing? [No] Would like it to be?
600. Hi, are you legal?
601. Hey baby, mind if I take my pants off?
602. Hey kitten, how about spending a couple of your nine lives with me?
603. Nice legs baby, can I wear them as a belt/scarf?
604. Have you ever played Nintendo? Which one's your love button?
605. Come on baby bite my wire!
606. Please!!!!!!
607. I'm good. . . . . I've been practicing!
608. Fire!!!!!!. . . . . Quick grab your ankles!
609. Where's your pimp?
610. Yah, I'd let you f*ck me. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Twice.
611. Hold on.
612. What's your sign:
Men working ahead
Wrong way
Do not enter
One way
Do not enter
One way
Soft shoulder
Slippery when wet
Rest stop ahead
Speed limit 69
Next stop: Mylap
Next gas
Scenic route
Pimp crossing
Watch for falling prices
Wide right turns
Antelope crossing
Chains required
15% grade
Clearance 5'9"
Curves ahead
OOOOoooooooooooooh Yeah!
Beaver crossing
Not a through street
Speed checked. . . . By me
613. You scratch my back. . I'll lick your cunt.
614. Jack's back.
615. Cum here a lot? How 'bout my place?
616. Have you ever had your belly button licked?
[No]Would you like me to?
[Yes]From the inside?!
617. Can a borrow a pencil and a piece of paper? [Write down your name and phone number]
618. How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled, fried, or fertilized?
619. You make me go crazy for Cocoa Puffs.
620. It's gotta be Halloween and you've gotta be dressed as a beautiful woman.
621. Wanna have some fun? I got the "f" and the "n", now all I need is "u. "
622. Yummy.
623. I stepped in a puddle of love and you got all over me.
624. Hi, I'm a musician. Wanna go back to my place and play with my organ?
625. Lets go back to my place so I can slip out of these dry clothes and into a wet you.
626. I want to lick your snatch until it runs like a waterfall.
627. I might be wrong here, but I think you want to suck my dick.
628. Roses are red, some socks are black, can I be your daddy mac?
629. I'll go out with your best friend's best friend if you go out with my best friend's best friend.
630. Are you wet?
631. I just sh*t in my pants. Wanna help me wipe?
632. I wish you were my lollipop, I'd lick you all over.
633. Have you read the "THE List of Pickup Lines" web page?
634. I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? And are you disappointed?
635. You look like the type of girl that has heard every line in the book. So what's one more?
636. Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?
637. I don't normally use pick up lines, but ____(insert any of the above).

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Evans A Criswell
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1579
From: Huntsville, AL, USA
Registered: Mar 2000

 - posted 12-27-2000 02:51 PM      Profile for Evans A Criswell   Author's Homepage   Email Evans A Criswell   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That long list of pickup lines is almost as bad as the "2000 uses for peanut butter" list. Here it its URL:

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