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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Dick Cheney (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: Dick Cheney
Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1485
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-16-2006 09:47 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Texas Bar Assn., on behalf of Texas-based divorce attnys with political ties to the US Supreme Court and Capitol Hill are starting a new company that will send ex-spouses on hunting trips with VP Dick Cheney! [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-17-2006 07:33 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile]

NEW BUMPER STICKER:


I'D RATHER HUNT WITH DICK CHANEY

THAN RIDE WITH TED KENNEDY

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Scott Norwood
Film God

Posts: 7867
From: Boston, MA. USA (1774.21 miles northeast of Dallas)
Registered: Jun 99


 - posted 02-18-2006 07:04 AM      Profile for Scott Norwood   Author's Homepage   Email Scott Norwood   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A selection of actual headlines from the Cheney-Whittington shooting
incident.

Shoots, Hides and Leaves
-- Washington Post

Arms-bearing Americans are rarely wrong
-- Telegraph, U.K.

Guns don't shoot people: Vice Presidents shoot people
-- Capitol Hill Blue

Real Men Don't Hide Behind Scott McClellan
-- Yahoo! News

Shooting pains
-- Globe and Mail, Canada

Pundits bird-dog vice president
-- Detroit News

Hit me with your best (buck) shot
-- Houston Chronicle

Cheney Gets His Gun
-- Yahoo! News

Ready, Aim, Misfire
-- San Francisco Chronicle

Orange you glad Cheney's not here?
-- Chicago Tribune

Cheney not licensed to shoot birds (or friends)
-- Australian

Analysis: Cheney's little shot not a big deal among mishaps
-- Buckeye Firearms Association

Cheney Bags a Lawyer
-- The Herald

Cheney can't hide from smoking gun
-- Virginia Pilot

See Dick. Run!
-- The Smoking Gun

Loose Cannon
-- Washington Post

So he shot a man
-- Town Hall, a GOP online blog

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-18-2006 09:35 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

That’s the big story over the weekend.

On a quail hunting trip in Texas, Vice President of the United States, Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78 year old lawyer.

In fact when people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%! [Big Grin]

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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1485
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-18-2006 04:00 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How Cheney can win the Gold at the Olymics Speed Skating-Shooting Bi-athalon? Hold back and shoot the leaders from behind!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-18-2006 10:19 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile]

"Hillary Clinton blasted the vice president today for failing to disclose all the facts. She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, "How do you shoot someone and make it look like an accident?"

--Jay Leno

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-18-2006 10:23 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Eek!]

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead." [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-18-2006 10:26 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

"Good news ladies and gentleman, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction … It's Dick Cheney."

"The Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS)

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-19-2006 09:00 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Bruce

"Kind of a sad study out today that single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the vice president than to find a husband."

--Jimmy Kimmel

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-19-2006 01:48 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Letterman's Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses


10. Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm

9. Wanted to get the Iraq mess of the front page

8. Not enough Jim Beam

7. Trying to stop the spread of bird flu

6. I love to shoot people

5. Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter

4. I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me

3. Excuse? I hit him didn't I?

2. Until Democrats approve Medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly

1. Made bet with Gretzgy's wife [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-19-2006 01:50 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

The Late Show With J. Letterman Carson:


Tonight, our entire balcony is made up of people who survived hunting with the Vice-President.

He's out there. He's on the loose. Check the backseat floorboards before getting in your cars.

Cheney did say he took all responsibility in an interview yesterday. Of course that would have been more believabe if he hadn't taken the lawyer-friend to the hospital strapped to his hood.

Now he's trying to get Abramoff to go duck hunting with him later in the year and the whole congress is encouraging him to go.

Why it took so long for the accident report to come in, no one seems to know.

Apparently, the early reports stated that the shot came from a grassy knoll.

Even President Bush has accused the Vice-President of "tainting our entire 8 years". This time someone's seriously hurt.

I've not been feeling well. May have the chicken flu. You see, my neighbor has it and she's just across the road. It was bound to happen.

Goodnight ladies and gentlemen! Remember..check those cars. He's out there. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-19-2006 08:25 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XXX [Eek!]

Click Below

http://cheneyplaysfolsom.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-21-2006 12:29 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Bruce

The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department issued a statement today saying Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail over the weekend.

A TPWD spokesman noted that, in Texas, lawyers are not considered game creatures, and are thus not subject to seasonal limitations or bag limits.

It was further noted that lawyer hunting was encouraged as the state is overrun with the pesky creatures.

Unlike quail hunting, for which Mr. Cheney did not have the requisite game-hunting stamp, there is actually no special stamp required to hunt lawyers

A local food critic said that, contrary to rumor, lawyers do not taste like chicken, but rather like bovine dung which is a major component of their composition. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-23-2006 03:18 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile] Bruce

Did you hear that they are finally going to close down the Guantanamo Bay prison? Yeah, instead they're going to send all the detainees on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

"The other day, Dick Cheney gave an interview with Fox News. Actually the interview did get off to a bad start when Brit Hume said, 'Mr. Vice President, I have some questions.' And Cheney said, 'Okay, shoot.'"

--Jay Leno

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-28-2006 07:23 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Quirk

"Cheney has joined the ranks of premature ejaculators. Yep, he blew his load too soon." [Big Grin]

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