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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Truck Driving jokes (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: Truck Driving jokes
Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-16-2003 02:36 PM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R and X

Okay, if Bob Maar can get 50,000 posts from jokes, I should be able to rack up at least 1,000. [Smile]

Since I earned my Class A CDL (Commercial Driver's License) and am now a trucker, here are some recycled truck driving jokes.

Incidentally, some of these are reworkings of old jokes I'm sure Bob's heard already, but they are new to me. [Wink]

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-16-2003 02:43 PM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
OOpss, got called out.. will post later. Sorry. [Frown]

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 12:23 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A driver came into a truckstop and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought it to him, and he said, "Hold on, there's a hair in my soup!" The waitress apologized and said she would go get him another bowl, but the trucker resisted and said, "No, I don't want another one, I don't want a t-bone steak, I don't want a thing! And I'll tell ya another thing, I'm not going to pay for that soup, either!"

The driver got up, walked out, and went straight across the street to a whorehouse. The waitress shortly followed him and asked her friend, the madam, if she could keep an eye on the trucker because he'd been so unreasonable at the truckstop.

The waitress went down the hall, slowly opened a door, and there was the trucker, going down on a girl. The waitress flung the door open and said, "You no-good son of a bitch! You wouldn't pay for that soup because of a lousy hair, NOW LOOK AT YOU!"

The driver raised his head and said, "Yes, that's true, and if I find a noodle in here, I ain't payin' for this, neither!"

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 12:31 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Truck driver was snowed-in up at a truckstop in the north. Towards the end of the first day, he asked the operator if he knew anywhere he could get some action. The truckstop operator said, "Well, there ain't too many women around here. We usually just screw ol' Wong the Chinaman."

The truck driver said, "I don't go for that shit!"

Next day, the driver was getting fairly impatient, so he asked the operator again, "Are you sure there's no where I can get some action up here?" The operator said, "No, not really. Like I said, you can always screw ol' Wong the Chinaman."

Driver said, "I don't go for that shit!"

Another day passes with no end of the snow in sight. The driver is in a frenzy, so he goes into the truckstop again and says, "You know the other day when I said I didn't go for that shit? Well, suppose I decided I did go for that shit... what would it cost me?"

The operator says, "Oh, about $60." "Sixty dollars?!" The trucker was incredulous. "Why's it so high just to screw ol' Wong the Chinaman?" The truckstop operator said, "Well, it's $20 for Wong, and $20 apiece for me and my assistant." The driver asked, "Why in the world do I have to give you forty dollars?!"

The operator said, "You don't understand. First, we have to catch ol' Wong and hold him for you, ol' Wong don't go for that shit, either!"

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 12:49 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
How do you filet a fly? Open the zipper and pull the bone out. [Razz]

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 12:51 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Did you hear about the student truck driver who spent 3 days in a hardware store looking for a CB handle?

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 12:55 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Dumb blonde goes into a hardware store looking for a wall anchor. The clerk says, "You want a screw for that?" The girl says, "No, but I'll blow you for that clock radio up there on the shelf."

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 01:16 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A driver went to the doctor for his DOT physical. After a brief examination, the doctor said he had good news and bad news.

The driver asked for the good news first, so the doctor said, "Your penis has grown 4 inches since the last time you were here." The driver said that was wonderful, and then asked for the bad news.

The doctor said, "It's malignant."

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 01:25 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A fellow went to a confessional, and a priest came in on the other side. The man said, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. Tonight, I screwed 14 different women." The priest was flabbergasted and said, "My word! 14 women? Are you married?" The man said, "Married? I'm not even Catholic, but I had to tell somebody!"

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-17-2003 01:34 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Two truck drivers were laid over in Las Vegas and they decided to take in a burlesque show. As the chorus line came on stage, the first driver nudged the other and said, "Hey! Hey, Alfie, you see that redhead up there on stage?" "Yes, George, she's pretty hot." "Well, I've had her, Alfie, I have. I've had that redhead before."

The show went on and George again nudged Alfie, saying, "Hey, you see that brunette out in the front up there?" "Yes, George, I do." "Well, I've had her, Alfie, I have. I've had that brunette before!"

Presently, a beautiful, statuesque blond comes onto the stage and George wiggles in his seat. Alfie says, "Now, don't tell me you've had that blond before, George!"

George says, "No, but I'm havin' her now!"

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Jean-Michel Grin
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 222
From: Geneva & Lausanne, Switzerland
Registered: Jul 2002


 - posted 03-17-2003 02:10 AM      Profile for Jean-Michel Grin   Author's Homepage   Email Jean-Michel Grin   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X

A truck driver entering in a bar on the highway.

Reading on the menu's card the folowing items:

-Beer $ 1.-
-Chicken Sandwich: $ 2.-
-Jack-off (Masturbation) $ 15.-

He call the waitress and, verry confused, ask to her:
-"Is this You who make the masturbating act on the customers"

The girl, a beautifull blonde, looking like Pamella Anderson, with a nice pair of tits and blues eyes, respond:

-Yes nice Boy, what can I do for you ?

The truck driver:

-Please could You wash your hand ? I wanted to eat a chicken sandwich
[Big Grin]

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-18-2003 12:47 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Jean-Michel, HAAAAhahahaha! [Big Grin]

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Tim Reed
Better Projection Pays

Posts: 5242
From: Northampton, PA
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 03-18-2003 12:59 AM      Profile for Tim Reed   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This ol' boy walked into a Carolina freight office and asked for a job as a driver. They were needing drivers bad, so he was told he could have a job if he could first pass an oral test. The fellow said, "Okay, but if I pass the test, what time do you want me and Leroy to show up?"

The freight manager said, "Who the hell is Leroy?" The fellow said, "Leroy's my co-driver." The manager told him that they didn't hire co-drivers. The good ol' boy spoke up, "But, me an Leroy's been together for 17 years! If you won't hire Leroy, I can't come to work for you."

Since the company needed drivers so bad, they agreed to hire Leroy, too, and proceeded to give the new driver his oral test. "Now", said the freight manager, "suppose you're in one of our trucks." "Yes?" "You're coming down a mountain grade, fully-loaded, and your brakes fail. There's cars on both sides of you, no escape ramps, and a car is wrecked at the bottom of the hill blocking the bridge. QUICK! What's the first thing you'd do?"

"Well", the driver slowly thought. "The first thing I'd do, is turn around and wake up Leroy!" The manager was befuttled, "Why in the hell would you want to wake up Leroy?!" "Well", the driver continued, "me and Leroy's been together for 17 years... and he ain't seen NO freakin' wreck like we're fixin' to have!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 03-18-2003 07:11 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Eek!]

Two good ole boys from the south were driving a truck through the back roads of West Virginia when they came to an overpass with a sign which read, "Clearance:11'3."

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12 feet 4 inches tall.

"What do you think?" said one as they climbed back into the cab of the truck.

The driver looked to his left then to his right, checked the rear view mirrors, then shifted into first gear.

"Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance," he said. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 03-18-2003 07:15 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

A mild-mannered truck driver was eating his meal at a truck stop when six burly motorcycle riders burst in.

They stole the truckers food and taunted him, but the trucker took it all meekly. Then he paid his bill and left.

One biker swaggered up to the cashier and boasted:"He's not much of a man, is he?"

The cashier glanced out the window and replied:"Not much of a driver either. He just backed his 18-wheeler over six motorcycles." [Big Grin]

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