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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » You Know Youre Greek When..........

Author Topic: You Know Youre Greek When..........
Dino Panagiotopoulos
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 139
From: Windor, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jan 2003

 - posted 01-25-2003 08:56 PM      Profile for Dino Panagiotopoulos   Email Dino Panagiotopoulos   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
1) You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.

3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.

4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

5) You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him.

6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.

7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.

8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top to Wasaga.

9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.

12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his mother had an affair.

14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.

16) At some point in your life, you waited tables.

17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Embros" when answering the phone.

18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year's Eve.

19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, "what church do you go to"?

20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under the sun.

21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.

22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, "katse kala" in public.

23) You have been hit with a "pandofla" or a "koutala" or a "lourithi".

24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.

25) You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.

26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws.

27) You have at least 5 Maria's, 9 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's, 6 George's and 4 Yanni's in the family.

28) You have ever heard the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo sou".

29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show because they couldn't remember it or pronounce it.

30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're from.

31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.

32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you're 30 yrs old.

33) You have been spanked by your friend's parents because your parents gave them permission to.

34) You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.

35) You know what a "komboloi" is.

36) You know how to work a "komboloi".

37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone's lap in the front or back seat.

38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the "mavro pontiki" when you were little.

39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.

40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats.

41) You can't understand why McDonald's rejected your idea for the "McFeta" Burger.

42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!

43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.

44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your backyard.

45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat pockets.

46) At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the marriage will last.

47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus).

48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi.

49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle.

50) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally.

51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.

52) You've been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.

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System Notices
Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi

Posts: 215

Registered: Apr 2004

 - posted 03-10-2005 03:01 PM      Profile for System Notices         Edit/Delete Post 

It has been 774 days since the last post.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 03-10-2005 03:01 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Top 10 Reasons Not To Marry Greek...

Women: Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Marry a Greek Male

1. Two words - His Mother.

2. Housework and birthing his children isn't your life ambition.

3. Sometimes you want to have an opinion about something.

4. You hate his mother's cooking, and that's all he'll eat.

5. His brother/cousin/friend/uncle has the hots for you.

6. Spending your wedding night alone while he plays poker isn't your idea of fun.

7. Your nostrils can't take the amount of cologne he "splashes" on.

8. You thought "Greek Style" was how green beans and chicken was cooked.

9. Looking at other men isn't allowed, but he can look at other women.

10. He picks his nose in public.

Men: Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Marry a Greek Woman

1. One word - "Babaaaaa!" (accompanied by crying)

2. She can't cook like your mother.

3. Having your children and cleaning your house isn't fun for her...go figure!

4. The incessant whining of her voice drives you crazy.

5. She always has an opinion about everything.

6. You can't have sex with her until she's married, but find out after that she's slept with your brother and cousin and uncle and friends.

7. One more word - Nagging.

8. Buying new living room furniture every six months isn't how you want to spend your money.

9. She thinks "Greek Style" is how you cook green beans and chicken.

10. She won't let you show her what "Greek Style" really is. [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 03-10-2005 03:03 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile]

You KnowYou're An American Married To A Greek...

1. At Easter you have ever taken a ride out to a farm and come home with a dead lamb, including its intestines in a bucket.

2. At Easter you have ever lifted the lid to the pot boiling on the stove and seen something looking back at you (head of the lamb).

3. At Easter you have been made fun of because you won't eat the soup.

4. You have ever had to pick-up your in-laws from the airport with more than one car because all their luggage wouldn't fit into one.

5. Your father-in-law has ever tried to negotiate the purchase of a new car for you.

6. You are the only one in church without black hair, and wearing a brown suit.

7. They never give you the hanky and ask you to lead the line at Church dances.

8. The taste of Ouzo makes you ill.

9. You have ever come home from the store with the wrong Feta.

10. You hate the Turks but not sure why.

11. Your in-laws can't understand why you would want to vacation somewhere other than Greece.

12. Half the pictures hanging in your house are religious icons.

13. You have ever been lectured on the importance of olive oil and medicinal effects of lemon.

14. While sitting at the dinner table your in-laws have ever made fun of "hillbilly" Americans all the while they tear apart their bread and dunk it in the "community" salad bowl with their fingers.

15. You have ever been chastised by your in-laws for voting Republican.

16. Your wife's relatives in Greece have ever made fun of your bathing suit, while all the Greek men on the beach walk around with everything hanging out of a thong or Speedo.

17. A Greek Priest has ever called you by your baptismal name in front of your confused biological parents.

18. You have ever had to dry clean your suit after Easter services to remove the wax stains.

19. You have ever wondered if your spouse's grandparents were nymphomaniacs because she/he refers to everyone as Thea or Theo.

20. You have ever wondered what the difference is between an engagement party and a wedding shower.

21. You have ever wondered why your mother-in-law's dinner salads never has any lettuce in them.

22. You have ever wanted to do physical harm to the bouzouki or clarinet player in the band.

23. You have ever had to utter the phrase, "I want the fresh filo, please."

24. While traveling in Greece with your in-laws, they have ever had to explain your behavior by saying, "einai Americanos," or "that's how they do things in America."

25. The first time you heard the chanter in church you thought someone was having a kidney stone attack. [Big Grin]

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