Film-Tech Cinema Systems
Film-Tech Forum


Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | my password | register | search | faq & rules | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » From The Mouths of Children

   
Author Topic: From The Mouths of Children
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-25-2002 07:47 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A couple of little girls were playing on the playground at kindergarten recently.

One suggested to the other that they play house. She said I will be the wife and you can be the ex-wife. ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-25-2002 07:51 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's Prayer.

She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother.

She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN." ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-25-2002 08:03 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know," his mother asked?

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.

"I think it's printed on the bottom." ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-26-2002 08:37 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

Rated G

Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself.

His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet." ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-26-2002 05:15 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-26-2002 05:17 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.

The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.

"What are you doing," his mother asked?

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-27-2002 11:20 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-30-2002 11:44 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.

He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?" ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-30-2002 11:46 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 04-30-2002 11:48 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
RRated G

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."

"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"

"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." ***

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-06-2003 06:41 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] Learning To Count

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack." [Big Grin]

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-06-2003 06:48 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R [Eek!]

Kid Books That Never Made It


You're Different -- And That's Bad

The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables

Robert: Dad's New Wife

Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share

The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking

Kathy Was So Bad That her Mom Stopped Loving Her

Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

All Cats Go to Hell

The Little Sissy That Snitched

Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet be Friends?

That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption.

Grandpa Gets a Casket

101 Things You Can Do at the Bottom of the Pool

The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear

The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

Strangers Have the Best Candy

Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

You Were an Accident

Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Your Nightmares Are Real

Where Would You Like to be Buried?

You've Got Hepatitis B, Charlie Brown

Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from Your Nose [Eek!]

 |  IP: Logged



All times are Central (GMT -6:00)  
Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic    next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:



Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.3.1.2

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.

© 1999-2018 Film-Tech Cinema Systems, LLC. All rights reserved.