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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Poems (Page 1)

 
This topic comprises 16 pages: 1  2  3  4  ...  14  15  16 
 
Author Topic: Poems
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-12-2001 03:13 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The Guy In The Glass by Dale Wimbrow 1934

When you get what you want
in your struggle
for self
And the world makes you
king for a day
Just go to the mirror and look
at yourself
And see what that man has
to say

For it isn't your father
mother or wife
Whose judgement upon you
must pass,
The fellow whose verdict
count's most in your life
Is the one staring back from
the glass

Some people may think
your a straight shooten
Chum
And call you a wonderful
guy
But the man in the glass
says your only a bum
If you can't look him
Straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please,
never mind all the rest.
for he's with you clear up to
the end
And you've passed your most
dangerous difficult test
If the man in the glass is
your friend

You may fool the whole
world down the pathway of
life
And get pats on the back as
you pass
But your final reward will
be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in
the glass

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-13-2001 01:50 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A Touching poem.....

Sometimes you will cry
and no one will see your tears...

Sometimes you will laugh
and no one will see you smile...

Sometimes you will fear
and no one will see you shudder...

Sometimes you will lie
and no one will catch you up...

Sometimes you will fall
and no one will see you struggle...

Sometimes you will be late
and no one seems to notice...

But fart just one time...

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-28-2001 02:46 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Osama Poem

Oh Osama Bin Laden
You Son of a Bitch
May Your Balls Develop
A 7 Year Itch

May Your Pecker Be Twisted
in Such a Manner
That Your Asshole Whistles
The Star Spangled Banner

God Bless America


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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-06-2001 10:14 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X

Goddamn motherfuckin' son-of-a-bitch,
He parked his car in a whore house ditch.
He lined a hundred whores up against the wall,
I be damned if he didn't fuck'em all.
He fucked ninety-eight till his balls turned blue,
Backed off, jacked off, and fucked the other two.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-06-2001 10:21 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X


There was an old man from Nantucket
Who had a cock so long he could suck it
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a pussy, I'd fuck it!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-06-2001 10:55 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G :0

Milk Poem

The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone
Just her and I
Her hair so soft
Her eyes so blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine
I didn't know how
But I tried my best
To place my hand
On her breasts
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her legs apart
And when she did it
I felt no shame
All at once
The white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time
Milking a cow!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-03-2002 10:37 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R  -  -  -  -

Poems

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that mary walks
the boys could see he thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
...but she didnt wear that one often

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead
now it goes to school with her
between to chunks of bread

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
her clothes all tattered and torn
it wasnt the spider that crept up beside her
it was Little Boy Blue and his horn

Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair
said Simple Simon to the Pieman
what have you got there?
said the Pieman unto Simon
Pies you dickhead

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
when the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cus he was gay

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have a little fun
Jill the dill
fogot her pill
and now they have a son

Little Boy Blew.
hey. he needed the money  -

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-03-2002 10:42 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

The Drunk Poem

Starkle, starkle, little twink,
who the hell are you I think?
I'm not under what you call
the alcofluence of incohol.
I'm just a little slort of sheep,
I'm not drunk like thinkle peep.
I don't know who is me yet,
but the drunker I stand here,
the longer I get.
So, just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
cause I got all day sober to Sunday up.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-06-2002 05:47 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X

Suzy Brown


There once was a girl named suzy brown
who thought no body could lay her down.
When over the hill came Pissball Pete
with forty feet of swinging meat.

He took here in the long green grass,
stuck his dick right up her ass.
Suzy brown let go a fart
blew his balls forty feet apart.

Over the hill came pissball pete
with forty feet of Shredded meat.


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Michael Pace
Film Handler

Posts: 64
From: Dalby, Queensland, Australia
Registered: Aug 2000


 - posted 01-06-2002 07:02 AM      Profile for Michael Pace   Email Michael Pace   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG


Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen Mary's little lamb
but I've never seen her bare.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-08-2002 07:13 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X

In the Garden of Eden,
as everyone knows,
Live Adam and Eve,
without any clothes.

In this garden,
were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
one covered Eve's.

As the story goes on,
never the less to say,
The wind came along,
and blew the leaves away.

At the sight,
Adam did stare,
There was Eve's treasure,
all covered with hair.

And wonder came,
under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing,
started to rise.

They found a spot,
that suited them best,
A nice big tree,
where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider,
and wider apart,
While thrill after thrill,
came into her heart.

The head of Adam's thing,
peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
beyond her control.

Backward and forward,
his thing did slide,
And Eve's treasure,
was all wet inside.

The joy was good,
she wouldn't let loose,
Until Adam's thing,
was all out of juice.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-30-2002 09:52 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

CARDS YOU WILL NEVER
SEE IN A HALLMARK STORE:

1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!

3. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
and a box of Depends.

4. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

5. Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me.

6. Looking back over the years that we've
been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the HELL was I thinking?

7. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.

8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me.

10. As you grow older, Mom,
I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy...

11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before
you go, would you like to take this knife out
of my back? You'll probably need it again.

12. When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

13. You are such a good friend
that if we were on a sinking ship
and there was only one life jacket...
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

14. Your friends and I wanted to do something
special for your birthday-
so we're having you put to sleep.

15. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!
(available only in Mississippi and Arkansas)

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-01-2002 06:31 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

THE OUTHOUSE POEM

The service station trade was slow
The owner sat around,
With sharpened knife and cedar stick
Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,
The log across the rill
Led to a shack, marked His and Hers
That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"
The owner leaning back,
Said not a word but whittled on,
And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there
But only stayed a minute,
Until she screamed, just like a snake
Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face
She bounded through the door,
And headed quickly for the car
Just like three gals before.

She missed the foot log - jumped the stream
The owner gave a shout,
As her silk stockings, down at her knees
Caught on a sassafras sprout.

She tripped and fell - got up, and then
In obvious disgust,
Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,
And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know
What made the gals all do
The things they did, and then we found
The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised
To make the thing complete,
He tied a speaker on the wall
Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set
And then the devilish tike,
Would stop his whittling long enough,
To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below
Struck terror, fright and fear,
"Will you please use the other hole,
We're painting under here!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-14-2002 06:43 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

America Stands


Osama Bin Laden, your time is short;
We'd rather you die, than come to court.

Why are you hiding if it was in God's name?
Your just a punk with a turban; a pathetic shame.

I have a question, about your theory and laws;
"How come you never die for the cause?"

Is it because you're a coward who counts on others?
Well here in America, we stand by our brothers.


As is usual, you failed in your mission;
If you expected pure chaos, you can keep on wishing

Americans are now focused and stronger than ever;
Your death has become our next endeavor.

What you tried to kill, doesn't live in our walls;
It's not in buildings or shopping malls.

If all of our structures came crashing down;
It would still be there, safe and sound.

Because pride and courage can't be destroyed;
Even if the towers leave a deep void.

We'll band together and fill the holes
We'll bury our dead and bless their souls.

But then our energy will focus on you;
And you'll feel the wrath of the Red, White and Blue.

So slither and hide like a snake in the grass;
Because America's coming to kick your ass!!!


"God Bless America"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-21-2002 08:54 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

The Girl

A heart is not a play thing
A heart is not a toy
If you want it broken
Give it to a boy
They'll tear it to pieces
They'll step on it like glass
And when they come running back
say "HONEY KISS MY ASS!"

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