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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Chain Letters (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Chain Letters
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 08-01-2001 08:28 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XXX  -  -  -

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding fifty billion fucking chain letters
sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking six-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the
traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit. So basically, this message is a big "FUCK YOU!" to all the people out there who have nothing better
to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.

If you re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. Send this to fifty of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being forwards
about ninety times. I don t fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you re actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it s your own unpopularity.


Chain Letter Type 1

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has noarms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy s lifecould be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goat less Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach
out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder, if you don t send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works...pass his on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you!!! I Promise!

Chain Letter Type 3

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all your "so called " friends.


A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating cat food.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you re as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad gorillas, then thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much, sorry that s the cleaning lady.

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that s threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it s funny, send it on. Don t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth,
who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your undies missing tomorrow morning.  -

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 08-08-2001 08:24 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A True Story worth reading

At the prodding of my friends, I am writing this  story.

My name is Mildred Hondorf.  I am a former elementary school music teacher from DeMoines, Iowa. I've always supplimented my income by teaching piano lessons-something I've done for over 30 years. 

Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability.  I've never had the pleasure of having a protege though I have taught some talented students. 

However I've also had my share of what I call "musicically  challenged" pupils.  One
such student was Robby. 

Robby was 11 years old when his mother (a single mom)  dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students  (especially boys!)  begin at  an earlier age, which I explained to Robby.

But Robby said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student.  Well, Robby began with his piano  lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor.  As much as Robby tried, he  lacked the sense of tone and basic rythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him.  At the end of each weekly lesson he'd  always say, "My mom's going to hear me play some day." But it seemed  hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability.  I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Robby off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. 

She always waved and smiled but never stopped in. Then one day Robby stopped coming  to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assume because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else.

I also was glad that he stopped coming.  He was a bad advertisement for my  teaching! Several weeks later I mailed to the student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. 

To my surprise Robby (who received a  flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify He said that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to piano  lessons but he was still practicing "Miss Hondorf...I've just got to play!" he insisted.

I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the recital.  Maybe it was his persistance or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would  be all right.

The night for the recital came.  The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives.  I put Robby up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing  piece. 

I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the  program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my quot;curtain closer

Well the recital went off without a hitch.  The students had been practicing and it showed.  Then Robby came up on stage.  His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an egg-beater through it. "Why didn't he dress up like the other

I thought.  "Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?" Robby pulled out the piano bench and he began.  I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's  Concerto #21  in C Major.

I was not prepared for what I heard  next.  His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories.  He went from  pianissimo to fortissimo...from allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart  demands were magnificent! 

Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age. After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was  on their feet in wild applause. 

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Robby in joy. "I've never heard you play like that Robby!  How'd you do it?  

Through the microphone Robby explained:  "Well Miss Hondorf...remember I told  you my mom was sick?  Well actually she had cancer and passed away this  morning.  And well....she was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special."

There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Robby from the stage to be  placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Robby as my pupil. 

No, I've never had a progege but that night I became a protege...of Robby's. 

He was the  teacher and I was the pupil.  For it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a  chance in someone and you don't know why.  This is especially meaningful to me since after serving in Desert Storm, Robby was  killed in the senseless bombing of the  Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April of 1995, where he was reportedly....playing the piano. And now, a footnote to the story.  If you are thinking about forwarding this  message,you are probably thinking about which people on your address list aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.

The person who sent this to you believes that we can all make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities a day to help realize God's plan. So  many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a spark of the Divine? Or do we pass up that opportunity and leave the world  a bit colder in the process?  You have two choices now:
1. Delete this.
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
You know the choice I made. Thank you for reading this....

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 08-11-2001 10:42 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G Helpful Information

I thought this was some good info that anyone of us could possibly need
(hopefully not).  This piece of information was sent to me by a friend.

This was sent out by a corporate attorney to the employees in his company. I pass it along because it has some really good advice.


We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed using your name, address, SS#, credit, etc.  Unfortunately I (the author of thispiece who happens to be an attorney) have first hand knowledge,because my wallet was stolen last month and within a week the thieve(s) ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens
to you or someone you know.  As everyone always advises, cancel your credit
cards immediately, but the key is having the toll free numbers and your card
numbers handy so you know whom to call.  Keep those where you can find
them easily.  File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it
was stolen, this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important: (I never ever thought to do this) Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and SS#.  I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost 2 weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done.

There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.  Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in).  It seems to have stopped them in their tracks.

The numbers are:
Equifax:  1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW):  1-888-397-3742
Trans Union:  1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line):  1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes.  We pass along just about everything.  Do think abou passing this information along.  It could help someone.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 08-21-2001 10:29 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Read Slowly and Think Long on Each Sentence

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.


Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.


If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?


Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.


You can only go as far as you push.


Actions speak louder than words.


The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.


Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff!


Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.


A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover, HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE


Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it.


BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.


When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.




Good friends are like stars....You don't alway see them, but you know they are always there.


Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.


What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?


Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.


Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.


Most people walk in and out of you life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.


Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be in!!!


And send it back to the person who sent it too you if they mean something to you!!


Remember, every minute spent angry is sixt seconds of happiness wasted.


A smile a day keeps the frowns away.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 08-23-2001 01:30 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Thought I'd pass this one on to all of you, makes you stop and think. I have seen it before but, seems it should make the rounds again.

A minister passing through his church
in the middle of the day,
Decided to pause by the altar
and see who had come to pray.

Just then the back door opened,
a man came down the aisle,
The minister frowned as he saw
the man hadn't shaved in a while.

His shirt was kind of shabby
and his coat was worn and frayed,
the man knelt, he bowed his head,
then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed,
each noon time came this chap,
each time he knelt just for a moment,
a lunch pail in his lap.

Well, the minister's suspicions grew,
with robbery a main fear,
He decided to stop the man and ask him,
What are you doing here?"

The old man said, he worked down the road.
Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
for finding strength and power.

I stay only moments, see,
because the factory is so far away;
as I kneel here talking to the Lord,
this is kind of what I say:



The minister feeling foolish,
told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome
to come and pray just anytime.

Time to go, Jim smiled, said
"Thanks." He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar,
he'd never done it before.

His cold heart melted,
warmed with love,
and met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed,
in his heart,
he repeated old Jim's prayer:



Past noon one day, the minister noticed
that old Jim hadn't come.
As more days passed without Jim,
he began to worry some.

At the factory, he asked about him,
learning he was ill.
The hospital staff was worried,
but he'd given them a thrill.

The week that Jim was with them,
brought changes in the ward.
His smiles, a joy contagious
Changed people, were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand
why Jim was so glad,
when no flowers, calls or cards came,
not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed,
he voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared.
He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Jim spoke up
and with a winsome smile:
"The nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
that in here all the while,
every day at noon He's here,
dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand,
leans over and says to me:



Many people will walk in and of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 08-27-2001 10:20 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Shake It Off

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway,
It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.

They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.

Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and
was astonished at what he saw.

With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing
something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a
step up.

Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.

We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less..

Someone sent this to me to think over so I am
forwarding it to you to do the same.
Enjoy Your Week

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-04-2001 11:24 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

Subject: New Job Training

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. in the course, please see your supervisor.

You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S. H. I. T. will be placed in DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

All Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T. to 5 people who need S.H.I.T. in their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T. They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T. Thank you for your time.

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.).

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-04-2001 01:35 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A group of Geography students studied the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of that section, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World.

Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids,
2. Taj Mahal,
3. Grand Canyon,
4. Panama Canal,
5. Empire State Building,
6. St. Peter's Basilica,
7. China's Great Wall.
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are
"1. to touch
2. to taste,
3. to see
4. to hear."
She hesitated a little, "and then
5. to run
6. to laugh
7. and to love."

It is far too easy for us to look at the exploits of man and refer to them as "wonders" while we overlook all God has done, regarding them as merely "ordinary."
May you be reminded today of those things which are truly wondrous.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-04-2001 07:05 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes.  For every person we'd refuse to forgive in our life, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag.  Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-06-2001 07:17 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G


May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

OK, this is what you have to do....
Send this to ALL of your friends!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-07-2001 11:17 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G



The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates and appears to be abandoned.

DO NOT let it through the gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible with Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town, and kill your women and children.

If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.





I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest hoaxes there is. I've seen variants on this warning come through on other listservs, one involving some kind of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it and one having to do with something called the "Midas Touch." Here are a few tipoffs that this is a hoax:

1) This "Forward this message to everyone you know" crap. If it were really meant as a warning about the Greek army, why tell anyone to post it to the Phonecians, Sumerians, and Cretans?

2) Use of exclamation points. Always a giveaway.

3) It's signed "from Poseidon." Granted he's had his problems with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't he? Besides, the lack of a real header with a detailed address makes me suspicious.

4) Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to overwrite your entire city. A horse is just an animal, after all. Next time you get a message like this, just delete it. I appreciate your concern, but once you've been around the block a couple times you'll realize how annoying this kind of stuff is.

Bye now."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-11-2001 07:38 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Ever wondered which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon characters, and put the information gathered intothis quiz. Answer each question with the answer that mostdescribes you, then add up the points that correspond with your answer.

Don't cheat!!!!!!! Then send this to all your friends including the person who sent it to you with your cartoon character in the subject line.

1. What describes your perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) See a movie

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Popular

3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary

4. Which of the following jobs would you chose if you were given
only these choices?
a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender

5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
a) work out
b) Read
c) Watch TV
d) Listen to the radio
e) Sleep

6. Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
a) yellow
b) white
c) sky blue
d) teal
e) red

7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
a) ice cream
b) pizza
c) sushi
d) pasta
e) salad

8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween
b) Christmas
c) New Year's
d) Valentine's Day
e) Thanksgiving

9. If you could go to any of the following places, which would
it be?
a) Paris
b) Spain
c) Las Vegas
d) Hawaii
e) Hollywood

10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
a) Someone who is smart
b) Someone with good looks
c) Someone who is a party animal
d) Someone who has fun all the time
e) Someone who is very emotional

Now total up your points and find your character below:

1. a 4 2. a 2 3. a 2 4. a 4 5. a 5
b 2 b 1 b 1 b 5 b 4
c 5 c 4 c 3 c 3 c 2
d 1 d 5 d 4 d 2 d 1
e 3 e 3 e 5 e 1 e 3

6. a 1 7. a 3 8. a 1 9. a 4 10. a 5
b 5 b 2 b 3 b 5 b 2
c 3 c 1 c 2 c 1 c 1
d 2 d 4 d 4 d 2 d 3
e 4 e 5 e 5 e 3 e 4

10-17 points: You are TAZ. You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life. People don't always see things your way, but thatdoesn't mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.

18-26 points: You are Bugs Bunny You are fun, friendly, and popular. You are a real crowd pleaser. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are important to you, but only after you have fun. Don't let the people you please influence you to stray.

27-34 points: You are Tweety You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes a chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of backstabbers, and you are worry free.

35-42 points: You are Peppe Le Pew (without the smell) You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

43-50 points: You are Speedy Gonzales You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them but don't overlook a bad situation when it does happen.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 09-29-2001 01:11 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rateg G


On Monday we emailed jokes

On Tuesday we did not

On Monday we thought that we were secure

On Tuesday we learned better

On Monday we were talking about heroes as being athletes

On Tuesday we relearned who our heroes are

On Monday we were irritated that our rebate checks had not arrived

On Tuesday we gave money away to people we had never met

On Monday there were people fighting against praying in schools

On Tuesday you would have been hard pressed to find a school where someone
was not praying

On Monday people argued with their kids about picking up their room

On Tuesday the same people could not get home fast enough to hug their kids

On Monday people were upset that they had to wait 6 minutes in a fast food
drive through line

On Tuesday people didn't care about waiting up to 6 hours to give blood for
the dying

On Monday we waved flags signifying our cultural diversity

On Tuesday we waved only the American flag

On Monday there were people trying to separate each other by race, sex,
color and creed

On Tuesday they were all holding hands

On Monday we were men or women, black or white, old or young, rich or poor,
gay or straight, Christian or non-Christian

On Tuesday we were all Americans

On Monday politicians argued about budget surpluses

On Tuesday, grief stricken, they sang 'God Bless America'

On Monday the President was going to Floridato read to children

On Tuesday he returned to Washingtonto protect our children

On Monday we had families

On Tuesday we had orphans

On Monday people went to work and came home as usual

On Tuesday they died

On Monday people were fighting the 10 commandments on government property

On Tuesday the same people all said 'God help us all' while thinking 'Thou
shall not kill'

It is sadly ironic how it takes horrific events to place things into perspective, but it has. The lessons learned this week, the things we have taken for granted, the things that have been forgotten or overlooked, hopefully will never be forgotten again.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 10-06-2001 02:17 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the school children at .  .  .
a..  Moses Lake, Washington 2/2/96
b..  Bethel, Alaska 2/19/97
c..  Pearl, Mississippi 10/1/97
d..  West Paducah, Kentucky 12/1/97
e..  Stamps, Arkansas 12/15/97
f..  Jonesboro, Arkansas 3/24/98
g..  Edinboro, Pennsylvania 4/24/98
h..  Fayetteville, Tennessee 5/19/98
i..  Springfield, Oregon 5/21/98
j..  Richmond, Virginia 6/15/98
k..  Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
l..  Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
m..  Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
n..  Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
o..  Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
p..  Santee, California 3/5/01 and
q..  El Cajon, California 3/22/01?

Concerned Student


Dear Concerned Student:
I am not allowed in schools.



Let's see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hare complained
she didn't want any prayer in our schools.

And we said, OK...


Then, someone said you better not read the Bible in school, the Bible that says "thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbors yourself,"

And we said, OK...


Dr.  Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem.  And we said, an expert should know what he's talking about so we won't spank them anymore...


Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave.  And the school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued.

And we accepted their reasoning...


Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and they won't even have to tell their parents.

And we said, that's a grand idea...


Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school.

And we said, that's another great idea...


Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs.  And we said, it doesn't matter what anybody, including the President, does in private as long as we have jobs and the economy is good...


And someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then stepped further still by making them available on the Internet.

And we said, everyone's entitled to free speech...


And the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence and illicit sex...  And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes...

And we said, it's just entertainment and it has no adverse effect and nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead...


Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, classmates or even themselves.


Undoubtedly, if we thought about it long and hard enough, we could figure it out.  I'm sure it has a great deal to do with...


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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)

Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001

 - posted 10-06-2001 05:01 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This is a poem that was written by a student
   at Prestonsburg Community College,
   her name is Dana Holland.

          The Lady
        I wonder what she thought
        As she stood there, strong and tall.
        She couldn't turn away,
        She was forced to watch it all.
        Did she long to offer comfort
        As her country bled?
        With her arm forever frozen
        High above her head.
        She could not shield her eyes
        She could not hide her face
        She just stared across the water
        Keeping Freedom's place.
        The smell of smoke and terror
        Somehow reduced her size
        So small within the harbor
        But still we recognized...
        How dignified and beautiful
        On a day so many died
        I wonder what she thought,
        And I know she must have cried.    

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