Film-Tech Cinema Systems
Film-Tech Forum


Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | my password | register | search | faq & rules | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Little Johnny (Page 1)

 
This topic comprises 22 pages: 1  2  3  4  ...  20  21  22 
 
Author Topic: Little Johnny
Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-02-2001 10:05 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XXX Little Johnny

It's not what you think it is !!

Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Plot decides to take the class to an educational trip.

Little Johny refuses to go. Miss Plot reports this to his mother.

The mother replies that over the years Little Johnny has developed an unconscious habit of probing his finger into the navel of the person sleeping next to him at night.

Miss Plot says that it's a minor problem. She'll make Little Johnny sleep next to her during the tour.

So, all is set and the class begins the tour. At night, the class lodges at a motel. Miss Plot shares her room with Little Johnny as promised.

Sometime after midnight, when everybody is asleep, Miss Plot feels a sensation in her vagina. She gets shocked and starts retaliating when suddenly she remembers that it might be Little Johnny practicing his ill habit of probing his finger into her navel

She holds Little Johnny by his hair softly and whispers sweetly,"Dear, it's not what you think it is!! It's my feminine hole.

"Little Johnny whispers back," Exactly, that's what I wanna tellyou. It's not what you think it is!! It's my cock.

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-02-2001 11:54 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

One day Little Johnny was on the school bus and he was sitting right behind the bus driver and he was saying to himself, "If my daddy was a lion and my mommy was a lion then I would be a baby lion." He kept on talking to himself like this.

After 10 minutes of this, the bus driver had enough of it and said, "What would happen if your daddy was a drunk and your mommy was a whore?" Little Johnny replied, "Then I would be a bus driver."

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-02-2001 11:59 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XXX


Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a god damn teddy bear laying right fucking here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the god damn
tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"

Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the
garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?" Johnny replied, "I think I got a god damn dog but I can't find the son of a bitch."

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-04-2001 03:40 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XX

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class. But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.

Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely." "Good" the teacher replies.

"What about you Jenny?"

Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely."

The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way.

So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him.

Johnny stands up and says, "As I felt my balls slap against her ass, I knew that I was indefinitely!   

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-05-2001 03:09 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XX

One day, little Johnny comes home from kindergarten for lunch.

Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom.

He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking.

Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong.

Little Johnny watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,

"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?"

"Of course, Son, we're a family."

So Little Johnny climbs on.

After a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly.

"Hang on Dad!" cries Little Johnny, "this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-06-2001 08:11 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Once there was a little boy named Johnny who was three years old.

When it was Palm Sunday, he couldn't wait to go to church to find out what PalmSunday was.

But sadly, Johnny came down with the chickenpox.

His parents hired a baby-sitter to take care of Johnny while they went to church. When they came home holding palm leaves, Johnny asked, "What are the palm tree leaves for mommie?"

She replied, "When Jesus walked through the town, people waved palm leaves at him in respect."

Johnny looked upset and said, "Wouldn't ya know? The first day I'm not in church, he shows up!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-08-2001 12:10 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R

Little Johny asks the teacher, "How many feathers are there on a bird's wing?"

The teacher answered, "I don't know."

Little Johny then asked, "How many stripes are there on a bee's body?"

The teacher answered, "I don't know "Then Little Johny asked, "How many lives does a cat have?"

Happily the teacher answered, "Nine lives."

Little Johny followed up, "How come you know so much about pussy and nothing about the birds and the bees?"   

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-08-2001 02:24 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R

One day a man is walking down the street, when he notices a young boy in a wagon fixed up to look like a fire truck.

The man also notices that the wagon is being pulled by a dog with a rope attached to his nards!

The dog is, of course, howling like a banshee, and inching along ever so slowly. The man thinks for amoment, then approaches the boy and says: "You know, son, the dog would probably pull you faster if you had the rope attached to his leash."

The boy looks up at the man and says: "Well,yeah, maybe, but then I wouldn't have this really cool siren!"   

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-09-2001 08:22 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

One Friday afternoon, a first grade teacher said that she was going to ask the class a question and whoever get it right would get to take Monday off.

The class got very excited and listened very closely. "Who went..." she began her question but was interupted because someone rolled black marbles across the floor to her.

"Alright!"she said. "Who's the wise ass with the black balls?"

"Martin Luther King Jr." Little Johnny shouted. "See ya on Tuesday!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-10-2001 01:52 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated XX


Little Johnny is playing in the street one day when this stranger pulls up in his car.

The stranger says "Psssssst! Hey kid!"

"Yeah?" replies Johnny.

And the stranger says, "Kid, I'll give a piece of candy to come in my car."

Little Johnny replies, "Give me the whole damn bag and I'll come in your mouth!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-13-2001 09:14 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"

"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."

Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away!"

"Why?" his father asked.

"Because the mailman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-16-2001 10:54 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Little johny was in class one day and the teacher said Ok class we are going to have a spelling bee.

I'm going to say a letter of the alphabet and you have to say a word begining with the letter we will start with A .

As the teacher looks around the class and she looks at Johnny and thinks I won't pick Johnny cause he will say somthing rude like asshole so she picked Mary.

Mary said apple A-P-P-L-E.

Very good Mary replied the teacher. o

Ok now we will do B as the teacher looked at Johnny and thought I wont pick Johnny cause he will say somthing rude like bastard so she picked Mark.

Mark said boat B-O-A-T.

Very good Mark replied the teacher.

The teacher got all the way up to G and couldn't think of a swear word begining with G so she pick Johnny, Johnny said gnome G-N-O-M-E.

Very good Johnny the teacher replied now can you tell me what a gnome does ?

Johny stared smiling and said yeah he's a short ass prick that sits in the back yard fucking all the fairys !

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-17-2001 07:48 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students, Johnny.

''I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is !

I think I should be in the third grade too!''

The teacher had had enough.

She took Johnny to the principal's office.

While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.

The teacher agreed.

Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.

'' What is 3x3? ''

''9.''

''What is 6 x 6 ?''

''36.''

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her he thought Johnny belonged in third grade.

''Let me ask him some questions. What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?''

''Legs.''

''What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?''

''Pockets.''

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, ''Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions.


 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-17-2001 09:02 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only human stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny!", replies the teacher. "Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the veranda. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before hecould said, "Fuck off!", the dog ate him!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-18-2001 10:59 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Little Johnny came home one day and told his dad he had a tough day in math.

"What happend?" asked his dad.

"The teacher got mad at me." Little Johnny grumbled.

"What for?" his dad asked.

"She asked me what 2 x 3 was.

I told her 6."

"Well, that's right." Said the dad.

"I know." Said Little Johnny. Then she asked me "What is 3 x 2?

That's the same fucking question backwards, replied the Dad.

That's exactly, what I said.



 |  IP: Logged



All times are Central (GMT -6:00)
This topic comprises 22 pages: 1  2  3  4  ...  20  21  22 
 
Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic    next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:



Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.3.1.2

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.

© 1999-2018 Film-Tech Cinema Systems, LLC. All rights reserved.