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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Confusius (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: Confusius
Michael Pace
Film Handler

Posts: 64
From: Dalby, Queensland, Australia
Registered: Aug 2000


 - posted 06-30-2001 10:08 AM      Profile for Michael Pace   Email Michael Pace   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated 'PG'

Confusius say that Woman who flies aircraft upside down has crack up.

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Mark Fontana
Film Handler

Posts: 12
From: Minneapolis, MN
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 07-01-2001 11:33 AM      Profile for Mark Fontana   Email Mark Fontana   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated 'PG'

Confucious say "Virginity like balloon- one prick, all gone."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-03-2001 12:04 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

More Confucius

It is better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Man with dick in cash register will cum across cash quickly.

He who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky finger!

It is good to ride roller coaster with girl, but is better to ride girl like roller coaster!

When life sucks, suck it back!

You are the master of debation.

I am confused

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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1492
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-03-2001 07:36 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Confucious say:

One who stands behind car gets exhausted!

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Michael Pace
Film Handler

Posts: 64
From: Dalby, Queensland, Australia
Registered: Aug 2000


 - posted 07-13-2001 08:40 AM      Profile for Michael Pace   Email Michael Pace   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G


Confucius says...

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some poeple have.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Michael

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-22-2001 02:52 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

New Chinese Proverbs

1. Virginity like bubble, one prick - all gone

2. Man who run in front of car get tired

3. Man who run behind car get exhausted

4. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day

5. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ

6. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok

7. Man with one chopstick go hungry

8. Man who scatch ass should not bite fingernails

9. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money

10. Baseball wrong; man with four balls can not walk

11. Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing

12. War does not determine who is right but determine who is left

13. Wife who put husband in the dog house soon find him in the cat house

14. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night

15. It take many nails to build crib, only one screw to fill it

16. Man who drive like hell bound to get there

17. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot

18. Man who live in glass houe should change clothes in basement

19. Man who fish in others man's well often catch crabs

20. Man who fart in church set in own pew

21.Crowded elevator smell diffrent to midget

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-12-2001 08:23 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Confucius Say...

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.

2: Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.

3: Man who run in front of car get tired.

4: Man who run behind car get exhausted.

5: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

6: Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

7: Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

8: Man with one chop stick go hungry.

9: Man who scratches butt should not bite finger nails.

10: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

11: Baseball is wrong... man with four balls cannot walk.

12: Panties not best thing on earth... but next to it.

13: War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left.

14: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

15: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

16: It take many nails to build crib... but one screw to fill it.

17: Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

18: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

19: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

20: Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

21: Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

22: Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

23: Difference between pick pocket and peeping tom is the pick pocket snatches
watches.

24: Gay Indian is also a brave sucker.

25: Man and mouse are the same... both end up in pussy.

26: Sex is like bridge game... don't need a partner if you have good hand.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-13-2001 07:57 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Confucious and His Wisdom

Man who stick face in punch bowl get punch in nose.

Man who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with smelly finger.

Man who go to bed with sex in mind wake up with solution in hand

Woman who fly upside down have crack up.

Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone.

Baby conceived in automatic car: shiftless bastard.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Find old man's penis in dark, not hard!

Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

Sailor who get discharged from navy leave buddies behind.

Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk.

Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

He who cross ocean twice without washing is dirty double crosser.

Man who tell one too many light bulb joke soon burn out!

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew!

Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.

Those who quote me are fools.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there!

Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who run behind car get exhausted!

Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!

War does not determine who's right, war determine who's left.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-14-2001 03:54 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated R

Four Confucianisms

1. Confucious says, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

2. Confucious says, man who kiss girl's bosom, get busted in mouth.

3. Confucious says, oral sex makes one's day. Anal sex makes one's hole weak.

4. Confucious says, sex is like bridge game. Don't need partner if you have good hand.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-11-2001 09:57 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated X

Confucious and His Wisdom

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

Baby conceived in automatic car: shiftless bastard.

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

Find old man's penis in dark, not hard!

Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

Sailor who get discharged from navy leave buddies behind.

Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk.

Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

He who cross ocean twice without washing is dirty double crosser.

Man who tell one too many light bulb joke soon burn out!

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew!

Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.

Those who quote me are fools.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there!

Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who run behind car get exhausted!

Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!

War does not determine who's right, war determine who's left.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-22-2002 12:39 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

PASSIONATE KISSES LIKE SPIDER'S WEB, SOON LEAD TO UNDOING OF FLY!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 10-02-2002 08:12 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G


CONFUCIUS SAYS...

1. Secretary not permanent until screwed on floor.

2. Man like baby--want to suck tit all day.

3. Schoolboy OK to masturbate as long as it's not against Principal.

4. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

5. It takes square ass to shit brick.

6. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

7. A girl's best asset is her lie-ability.

8. Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.

9. Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money.

10. Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit.

11. Man who pulls on woman's bra-strap may get bust in mouth.

12. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

13. A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

14. Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.

15. Him who stand on toilet be high on pot.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 10-15-2002 03:20 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G


"Our greatest glory is not in falling but in rising every time we fall."

Confucius

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Bill Gabel
Film God

Posts: 3873
From: Technicolor / Postworks NY, USA
Registered: Jan 2002


 - posted 06-17-2003 11:59 AM      Profile for Bill Gabel   Email Bill Gabel   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Confucius Say

When lady say maybe she mean Yes

When lady say no she mean maybe

When lady say yes, she no lady [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-20-2003 10:19 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile]

Confucious says...

. man with tight trousers, pressing his luck.
. man who throw dirt, losing ground.
. man who fishes in other's holes, get crabs.
. he who live in stone house, should not throw glasses.
. cow with no legs, ground beef.
. two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn.
. baby born in car with automatic transmission, grow to become
shiftless bastard.
. bird in hand, make difficult to blow nose.
. finding old man in dark, not hard.
. it is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to
park meat in girl.
. man who jizz in cash register, come into money.
. man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam.
. man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.
. man who go to bed with itchy asshole, wake with stinky finger.
. learn to masturbate, come in handy.
. war not determine who right, war determine who left.
. naked man fear no pickpocket.
. squirrel who run up woman's leg, not find nuts.
. woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom.
. support bacteria, is only culture some people have.
. man who eat too many jellybean, fart in technicolor.
. man who marry girl with no bust, have right to feel low down.
. man with athletic finger, make broad jump.
. man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
. he who sit on upturned tack, rise above all.
. even greatest of whales, helpless in desert.
. wash face in morning, neck at night. [Big Grin]

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