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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » George W. (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: George W.
Mike Judge
Film Handler

Posts: 50
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: Aug 2000


 - posted 06-29-2001 06:45 PM      Profile for Mike Judge   Email Mike Judge   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, 'Hello, Steve'."
Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.
Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."
The little man says, "F**k off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking.

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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1485
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-29-2001 06:53 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
RATED PG

Whats new with the Anheuiser Bush Twins?

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-09-2001 02:19 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

George W. Bush's Quotes

Here are some 100% REAL quotes that our delightful president George W. Bush uttered over the past few years:

"This is preservation month. I appreciate preservation. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."-Speaking during "Perserverence Month" at a New Hampshire grade school

"I know how hard it is to put food on your family." "This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of mad men and uncertainty and potential mental losses."

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."

Georgie's Daddy has had some interesting things to say, too:"For seven and a half years, I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. Had some sex...uh... I mean, set backs."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-09-2001 02:22 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Gore and Bush

During the presidential election, Al Gore and George Bush were fighting over what was the biggest problem on tv.

George Bush said that there was to much blood and violence on tv.

Al Gore said that there was to much sex and nudity.

So pretty much,George Bush said that there was to much Gore and Al Gore said that there was to much Bush.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-06-2001 07:52 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G )p

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he notices her eyes are red.
He says, "Gee, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"

Jenna replies, "No officer, but gee, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 09-09-2001 07:46 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world;
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked:
Is our children learning?

Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush, arranged only for aesthetic purposes by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.
   

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 10-10-2001 11:54 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

The latest polls say that President Bush has the highest approval ratings of any president ever.

His ratings are so high that voters in Palm Beach, Florida are now claiming they voted for him.

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Leo Enticknap
Film God

Posts: 6633
From: Loma Linda, CA
Registered: Jul 2000


 - posted 10-25-2001 10:12 AM      Profile for Leo Enticknap   Author's Homepage   Email Leo Enticknap   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Certificate 'U'...

One day an airliner was hijacked by Muslims who started flying it towards the Empire State Building. In the back two rows of seats, out of sight of the hijackers, were Hillary Clinton, George W., The Pope and a 10 year-old schoolboy. There was an emergency parachute under three seats, but the one under the fourth was missing.

'I'm the most politically ambitious woman in the United States and the electorate don't want me to die,' declares Hillary, who grabs one of the parachutes, opens the back door and jumps out.

'I'm the inspirational leader of a major superpower,' announces George W., 'and my people want me to live.' He grabs the second parachute and jumps out.

The Pope said to the schoolboy, 'I'm old and about to die anyway, so I think you should have the last parachute.' 'Don't be such an idiot,' replies the kid, 'there's one here for each of us. Our 'inspirational leader' just strapped my school bag onto his back and jumped off the plane.'

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-01-2001 12:47 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

One day George W. went out to dinner with a Jewish friend.

The friend recommended a kosher place nearby.

They arrived and Dubya's friend ordered them both the house specialty: matzo ball soup.

The waiter brought the bowls and George looked at the soup suspiciously, but his friend urged him to try at least one taste. So he took a bite of matzo ball and slurped some soup and clearly liked it.

After Dubya was finished he said, "Mmm mmm, that was good! But tell me, do you Jewish folks eat other parts of the matzo, or just the balls?"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-01-2001 12:49 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G


Q. What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?

A. Drool.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-01-2001 01:34 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him.

He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the US of A, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 days!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-31-2002 09:45 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman? Why kill a bicycle repairman?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart
alec! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-28-2002 12:29 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G :0

In a train carriage there was Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Janet Reno and Bo Derek.

After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, Clinton has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

1) Bo Derek thought - "That sleaze ball Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on Janet Reno, who in turn must have slapped his face."

(2) Janet Reno thought - "That dirty Bill Clinton laid his hands on Bo Derek and she smacked him."

(3) Bill Clinton thought - "George put his hand on Bo Derek and by mistake she slapped me."

(4) George W. thought - "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can slap Clinton again."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 03-12-2002 09:30 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control ... this is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms, ASAP, to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter?" asked Putin.

"No problem," replied the President. With that, George W. hung up the phone and then called the President of the Acme Condom Company. "I need a favor. You've got to send 1,000,000 condoms over to Russia right away."

"Consider it done," said the CEO of Acme.

"Great! Now listen. They have to be red in color, 10 inches long and 4 inches in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said Bush. "On each one print the words 'MADE IN TEXAS, SIZE: SMALL.'"

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Leo Enticknap
Film God

Posts: 6633
From: Loma Linda, CA
Registered: Jul 2000


 - posted 03-18-2002 05:30 AM      Profile for Leo Enticknap   Author's Homepage   Email Leo Enticknap   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The President, George W. Bush
decided, when shove came to push,
that he'd hit the right spot,
and nuke the whole lot,
from Baghdad to poor Belarus.

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