Film-Tech Cinema Systems
Film-Tech Forum


Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | my password | register | search | faq & rules | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » Washington D.C Jokes

   
Author Topic: Washington D.C Jokes
Betsie Beadling
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 178
From: Fairfax, Virginia, USA
Registered: Sep 2000


 - posted 06-29-2001 07:29 AM      Profile for Betsie Beadling   Email Betsie Beadling   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What Soda does Marion Barry Like to Snort up his Nose

Coke

------------------

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-04-2001 08:16 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

•Prior to the impeachment vote, Senator Robert Byrd told CNN he could go either way. The next day he got a dozen roses from Barney Frank. (Times)

•During arguments, Senator Ted Kennedy became frustrated with the whole thing. He said, "Why are we here? It's not like he killed a woman or anything." (Daily Scoop)

 |  IP: Logged

Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1485
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-13-2001 02:40 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

President Nixon's favorite saying--in conjuction with his Victory wave and floppin' face;

"You can buy a used car from me!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-17-2001 09:21 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Strom Thurmond went to his doctor for a check up. After the check up was over, he asked his doctor if he should get some viagra.

The doctor looked at him and said, "Strom, at your age sex would probably kill you."

Strom replies, "Hell, Doc, I don't want viagra because I want to have sex."

"Well, what do you want it for?" asked the doctor.

Strom replied, "I'm tired of peeing on my feet."

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-20-2001 12:13 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this! I'm a United States Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-10-2003 02:25 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile]

George Washington's Story

Released this morning for the first time is the complete transcript of the Cherry Tree Hearings.


"George?"

"Yes, father."

"George, I have a very serious question to ask you and I want you to promise you'll answer truthfully. Will you?"

"Yes, father."

"Good. now here is the question. Did you cut down my cherry tree?"

"No, father."

"You're quite sure?"

"Yes, father."

"Well, I'm afraid I'm very disappointed in you, George."

"Why, father?"

"Because 12 people saw you cut down the cherry tree with your little hatchet."

"Oh."

"In view of that, would you like to change your previous answer, George?"

"No, father. I believe the answer I gave you was legally accurate."

"You still insist you were telling me the truth?"

"In my own mind I was telling you the truth, yes father."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you asked me if I had 'cut' down the tree. In my own mind, it seemed to me that 'cutting' is something one does with a knife or a sickle. In my own mind it seemed that , since I used my little hatchet, the relationship I had with the tree, while perhaps inappropriate, was not a 'cutting' relationship. I would call it a 'chopping' relationship."

"Very well. I'll give you another chance, George. Listen very carefully. Did you chop down my cherry tree?"

"No, father."

"No? No? Why do you still say no?"

"Because, father, I cannot tell a lie. And in my own mind I did not 'chop down' your cherry tree."

"Well, what did you do, then?"

"I chopped it into two pieces and one piece fell to the ground."

"So you chopped it down."

"No, father, I merely chopped it. I did not cause that piece to fall down. The force of gravity caused it to fall down. Were it not for the force of gravity, over which I have absolutely no control, the tree, though segmented, would presumably still be up, not down."

"George, I'm losing patience with you. But I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the truth. Did you take your little hatchet and chop my cherry tree, which action on your part, combined with the force of gravity, caused the tree to fall down?"

"No, father."

"NO? NO? IT'S STILL NO? HOW CAN YOU STILL SAY NO?"

"I still say no because of my legendary regard for the truth, father. What is that object at which I am pointing with my finger?"

"It's the stump of the cherry tree you cut down."

"And isn't the stump part of the tree, father?"

"It sure is."

"In fact, isn't the stump the most important part of the tree, father, since, without a stump there would be no tree?"

"I guess so."

"Yet the stump is still standing. So when you asked me if I had chopped down the tree, my own mind said to me, 'George, you must tell the truth. And the truthful answer is no. You chopped, gravity caused part of the tree to fall down yet the most important part of the tree is still standing.'"

"I see."

"All I can suppose, father, is that those 12 people whose exaggerated claims allege they saw me 'cut down' the entire 'tree' were motivated not by a search for truth, but by some personal vendetta against me, perhaps because I am from Virginia."

"George, you're a real crafty little guy."

"Thank you father."

"Have you thought about what you want to be when you grow up?"

"Yes, father. If they ever build a White House I would like to occupy it as the first White House lawyer." [Big Grin]

 |  IP: Logged

System Notices
Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi

Posts: 215

Registered: Apr 2004


 - posted 12-06-2005 06:35 AM      Profile for System Notices         Edit/Delete Post 

It has been 1029 days since the last post.


 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-06-2005 06:35 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

As head of the FBI, J.Edgar Hoover ruled the agency with a picky hand. When he disapproved of the manner in which an agent had written a memo with the words typed too close to the edge of the page, Hoover scribbled a note and sent the memo back. The note instructed the agent to "watch the borders."

The agent showed Hoover's note to his supervisor, and FBI agents were immediately pulled off other assignments and sent to man the borders between the United States and Mexico. [Big Grin]

 |  IP: Logged

Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-06-2005 07:12 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

George Washington's Story
(if after the Clinton years)

Released this morning for the first time is the complete transcript of the Cherry Tree Hearings.


"George?"

"Yes, father."

"George, I have a very serious question to ask you and I want you to promise you'll answer truthfully. Will you?"

"Yes, father."

"Good. now here is the question. Did you cut down my cherry tree?"

"No, father."

"You're quite sure?"

"Yes, father."

"Well, I'm afraid I'm very disappointed in you, George."

"Why, father?"

"Because 12 people saw you cut down the cherry tree with your little hatchet."

"Oh."

"In view of that, would you like to change your previous answer, George?"

"No, father. I believe the answer I gave you was legally accurate."

"You still insist you were telling me the truth?"

"In my own mind I was telling you the truth, yes father."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you asked me if I had 'cut' down the tree. In my own mind, it seemed to me that 'cutting' is something one does with a knife or a sickle. In my own mind it seemed that , since I used my little hatchet, the relationship I had with the tree, while perhaps inappropriate, was not a 'cutting' relationship. I would call it a 'chopping' relationship."

"Very well. I'll give you another chance, George. Listen very carefully. Did you chop down my cherry tree?"

"No, father."

"No? No? Why do you still say no?"

"Because, father, I cannot tell a lie. And in my own mind I did not 'chop down' your cherry tree."

"Well, what did you do, then?"

"I chopped it into two pieces and one piece fell to the ground."

"So you chopped it down."

"No, father, I merely chopped it. I did not cause that piece to fall down. The force of gravity caused it to fall down. Were it not for the force of gravity, over which I have absolutely no control, the tree, though segmented, would presumably still be up, not down."

"George, I'm losing patience with you. But I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the truth. Did you take your little hatchet and chop my cherry tree, which action on your part, combined with the force of gravity, caused the tree to fall down?"

"No, father."

"NO? NO? IT'S STILL NO? HOW CAN YOU STILL SAY NO?"

"I still say no because of my legendary regard for the truth, father. What is that object at which I am pointing with my finger?"

"It's the stump of the cherry tree you cut down."

"And isn't the stump part of the tree, father?"

"It sure is."

"In fact, isn't the stump the most important part of the tree, father, since, without a stump there would be no tree?"

"I guess so."

"Yet the stump is still standing. So when you asked me if I had chopped down the tree, my own mind said to me, 'George, you must tell the truth. And the truthful answer is no. You chopped, gravity caused part of the tree to fall down yet the most important part of the tree is still standing.'"

"I see."

"All I can suppose, father, is that those 12 people whose exaggerated claims allege they saw me 'cut down' the entire 'tree' were motivated not by a search for truth, but by some personal vendetta against me, perhaps because I am from Virginia."

"George, you're a real crafty little guy."

"Thank you father."

"Have you thought about what you want to be when you grow up?"

"Yes, father. If they ever build a White House I would like to occupy it as the first White House lawyer." [Big Grin]

 |  IP: Logged



All times are Central (GMT -6:00)  
Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic    next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:



Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.3.1.2

The Film-Tech Forums are designed for various members related to the cinema industry to express their opinions, viewpoints and testimonials on various products, services and events based upon speculation, personal knowledge and factual information through use, therefore all views represented here allow no liability upon the publishers of this web site and the owners of said views assume no liability for any ill will resulting from these postings. The posts made here are for educational as well as entertainment purposes and as such anyone viewing this portion of the website must accept these views as statements of the author of that opinion and agrees to release the authors from any and all liability.

© 1999-2018 Film-Tech Cinema Systems, LLC. All rights reserved.