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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Bob Maar's Joke-A-Thon   » United States Marines (Page 1)

 
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Author Topic: United States Marines
Mike Bianchi
Film Handler

Posts: 40
From: Independence, KY, USA
Registered: Dec 1999


 - posted 06-28-2001 04:29 AM      Profile for Mike Bianchi   Author's Homepage   Email Mike Bianchi   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
PG

A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, ''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''

The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''

The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''

__________________________________________________________


An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator boots in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of boots at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming
rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any boots either!"

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Mike Bianchi
Film Handler

Posts: 40
From: Independence, KY, USA
Registered: Dec 1999


 - posted 06-28-2001 04:31 AM      Profile for Mike Bianchi   Author's Homepage   Email Mike Bianchi   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Obviously I can't edit type-o's in the subject heading. Can you help me out, Brad?

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William Dickson
Film Handler

Posts: 41
From: Riverside, Ca. USA
Registered: Jan 2000


 - posted 06-28-2001 08:20 PM      Profile for William Dickson   Email William Dickson   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG-13
Q: What do Marines and bananas have in common?
A: They turn yellow and die in bunches on the beach.

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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1492
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-28-2001 08:31 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

I went to enlist in the Marines, but they refused me, they said I was too smart!


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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1492
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-28-2001 08:32 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

The United States Marines: The Few, The Proud, The Dead On The Beach!


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Will Kutler
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1492
From: Tucson, AZ, USA
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-28-2001 08:42 PM      Profile for Will Kutler   Email Will Kutler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

True Story!

My legal birth name is Will. For years, people would argue with me about my name, and insist that it had to be William, Wilbur, Willis, etc. When it came to legal documents, they would always write in their own "thing", and I usually let my temper fly!

So when I went to the MEPS in Phoenix, AZ, this Marine tried pulling this same shit on my enlistment papers, plus some other "typos" he tried to sneak past me which could have screwed up my military career badly!--no, he did not get past me! I tore up the papers in front of his face, and with my temper aflame, ordered him to retype All of the papers! He did, but was not pleased! He tried acting like a Marine D.I. to this AirForce recruit. I told him to shut his trap, as I had not signed the enlistment papers or taken the oath yet! I never saw him again!

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 06-28-2001 09:22 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Speaking as a former United States Marine 1961 to 1968 to all of the people above.....I don't think so. I was there, I know better. I survived

Semper Fi


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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-16-2001 09:34 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

In Marine Corps basic training I soon learned that everything we used belonged to our drill instructor. For instance he referred to the stuff in our foot lockers as "my trash"and the racks we slept on as "my racks.

One time we were all whispering in the bathroom while making "head calls" our drill instructor heard us and said "Why do I hear voices in my head?

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Jerry Chase
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1068
From: Margate, FL, USA
Registered: Nov 2000


 - posted 07-17-2001 09:42 PM      Profile for Jerry Chase   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I often wondered what went on in Marine instructor's heads...

Now I have more sympathy for them and their flushed faces.

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-04-2001 08:43 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

MARINES

My friend George, an ex-Marine Aviator, wanted to show-off his new twin engine plane.

I was riding along as he put it through its paces.

Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us, we lost the radio and most of the instruments.

As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Damn!"

Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-11-2001 03:08 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

A man was being interviewed for a job.

"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer."Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?" He was asked."I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?" he was asked."Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles." The marine said.

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.""

When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential
treatment because of my disability." The marine said.

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10.

We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first." 

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-20-2001 12:05 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Two military guys walk into a restroom. One is in the Air Force, the other is a Marine. When they are done, the Air Force guy walks to the sink and starts to wash his hands, while the Marine starts to walk out. The Air Force guy yells, "The Air Force teaches us to wash our hands!" The Marine yells back, "The Marines teach us not to piss on our hands!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 11-26-2001 03:01 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

Dyslectic Marine stormed Bloomingdales today, after

receiving reports that Bed Linen was on the fourth floor..

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-10-2001 08:21 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

"IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN...

IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING!!!"

- United States Marines

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 01-17-2002 07:56 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and
children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended

All over America, people were thinking: Semper Fi, Marine."

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