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Author Topic: Last Words
William Hooper
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1879
From: Mobile, AL USA
Registered: Jun 99


 - posted 06-27-2001 11:45 PM      Profile for William Hooper   Author's Homepage   Email William Hooper   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Three guys go out on a wild weekend in a South American Country.

Monday morning, they wake up, can't remember what happened, & are suprised to find themselves on death row.

The first guy is strapped into the electric chair, & the guard asks, "Do you have any last words?"

The guy says, "Yes. I am a minister & a graduate of Duke University. I believe that if I am innocent, God will protect me & not let me die."

The executioner throws the switch. Nothing happens. Amazed at the miracle, they let the minister go.

The second guy is strapped into the electric chair & asked if he has any last words.

He says, "Yes. I am a lawyer, & a graduate of LSU law school. I believe in the absolute power of justice, & that if I am innocent, I will not be allowed to die."

They throw the switch, nothing happens. Awed, they let the lawyer go.

The third guy is strapped into the electric chair & asked if he has any last words.

He says, "Yes. I am an electrical engineer & and a graduate of Auburn University. And I don't think this thing will work unless you connect those two wires lying on the floor right over there...


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Phil Hill
I love my cootie bug

Posts: 7595
From: Hollywood, CA USA
Registered: Mar 2000


 - posted 06-28-2001 05:51 AM      Profile for Phil Hill   Email Phil Hill       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated: PG

Young Jimmy was absent from school one day. On his return his
teacher asks, "We didn't see you in class yesterday, what was wrong with you?"

"My Grandpa got burned, Miss Crabapple," says Jimmy,
Taken aback, the teacher replies "That's a shame, Jimmy. Was he badly
burned?"

Jimmy looks at her. "They don't fuck around at the crematorium you know!".
"


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Geoffrey Weiss
Film Handler

Posts: 68
From: Lexington, KY, USA
Registered: May 2001


 - posted 06-30-2001 09:57 PM      Profile for Geoffrey Weiss   Email Geoffrey Weiss   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Actual last words:

"Either this wallpaper goes ... or I do."
Oscar Wilde

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Mark Fontana
Film Handler

Posts: 13
From: Minneapolis, MN
Registered: Sep 1999


 - posted 07-01-2001 11:42 AM      Profile for Mark Fontana   Email Mark Fontana   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Common last words for a redneck: "Waaaatch THIS!"

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 08-11-2001 08:16 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G

    Famous Last Words   

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.

"But what is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."-- Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

"This 'telephone' has too many short comings to be seriously considered as means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" -- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for invest ment in the radio in the 1920's.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith wenton to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" -- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment.Then literature is full of examples that said you can't do this." -- Spencer Silver, on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3m Post-It" Notepads.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or, we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said,'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey,we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work

."You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." -- Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the unsolvable problem by inventing Nautilus.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." --Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieurede Guerre."Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". --Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872"

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". - Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary toQueen Victoria 1873.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 12-13-2002 07:48 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile] FAMOUS LAST WORDS

Listed below are all "Famous Last Words" spoken by individuals. They are self explanatory.


"I'll get a world record for this."

"It's fireproof."

"He's probably just hibernating."

"What does this button do?"

"I'm making a citizen's arrest."

"So, you're a cannibal..."

"It's probably just a rash."

"Are you sure the power is off?"

"Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?"

"The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!"

"Pull the pin and count to what?"

"Which wire was I supposed to cut?"

"I wonder where the mother bear is?"

"I've seen this done on TV."

"These are the good kind of mushrooms."

"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."

"Let it down slowly."

"Rat poison only kills rats."

"Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town."

"It's strong enough for both of us."

"This doesn't taste right."

"I can make this light before it changes."

"Nice doggie."

"I can do that with my eyes closed."

"I've done this before."

"Well, we've made it this far."

"That's odd."

"You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?"

"Don't be so superstitious."

"Now watch this..."

"What duck?" [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-06-2003 06:16 AM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

Famous Last Words


"Let's go in."

"Let's not go in."

"I follow them."

"I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me."

"I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the extra-healing potion."

"I kill it."

"Let me handle this."

"Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?"

"What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over again..."

"Click?? ...This doesn't come with ammo?"

"Why is your torch flame turning blue?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"

"Trust me."

"I never get lost."

(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold) "I cast Fireball down the hall, then send my fire elemental to investigate."

"Dammit, this thing won't die!"

a)"I bet without Mjolnir you're a real wuss."
b)"He looks like a wuss to me."

"He hit me for HOW MUCH?????"

"They're only kobolds!"

"Hey, this chest just bit me!"

"I try to move silently in plate armor..."

"I didn't find any traps !!"

"Wonder what this button does ?"

"Don't worry, he is probably just first level."

"This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb."

"I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror"

"Can I eat this green slime?"

"I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly"

"Why is this man speaking in sign language?"

"This type of undead can't drain levels"

"I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!"

"We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping"

"That's only a statue"

"There is no trap on the door, so let's open it"

"Look, behind you!!!" Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked party member crept up. End of the other member.

"I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!"

"Don't worry, the DM won't hose me"

"We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet."

"Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?"

"How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?"

"I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level."

"Don't I get the faerie fire bonus on my parry."

Star Wars: "Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist..."

Traveller: "Who took the battery out of my grav belt?"

"They're wearing blue robes? They must be Druids. Roll for initiative, suckers." (At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.)

"I see HOW MANY wights?!" (from the crypts of Ravenloft)

"Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked."

"You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding the treasure."

"A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run."

"I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon."

"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible"

"Don't worry sir, we can handle it."

"You jump down and distract him, and I'll shoot him."

NPC: "Lets drop our weapons and talk."
PC : "Okay!"

"We killed all monsters on this level."

"I've been here before. There are no traps in this section."

"What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said crocodile."

"Well ...., I'll touch it again"

"I attempt to disbelieve."

"I cast a fireball" (into a 10'x10'x10' room)

"I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID."

GM:"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or take 210 points of damage"

GM:"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf, because it's special bodak power"

" It's OK, I trust her..." ... *BOOM!!!!!!*

"Stand back you wimps. I'll kill it."

"Oops."

"OK! I moon the Balrog!"

"My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me?? OK, I shoot again!"

"Where'd that thief go now?"

"Trap? What trap?"

"So what?"

"Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's "Self-Destruct Button", do you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?"

"Hmmm...the sign on the door says, "AIRLOCK". I wonder what's inside."

"You're all a bunch of wimps!! I'll prove to you myself that an entire orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian."

"All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no light sources or infravision...Hey, I know!! Let's yell and scream a lot so we can locate each other by sound!!"

"I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn whether the other goody-good PC's like it or not."

"Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire."

"A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right away I recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter."

"A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill it."

"Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team Wednesday, but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character."

"OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!"

"I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of contempt."

"Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred and feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?"

"No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it."

"Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard."

"Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us."

"So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties."

"Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might as well try to seduce her."

"Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!"

"Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinitesimal."

"All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?"

"So you're Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like to convert?"

"I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force."

"Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me."

"Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing..."

"I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it across the room at the aliens...Wait! Isn't that grenade Contact Fused ???"

"All right, I guess Toronaga's right. There can't possibly be anything on the other side of this airlock. Why not open the damned thing."

"Whistling sounds? Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!"

"Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge. I go through the door and find the helm."

"They can't possibly outflank us. We have a multi-scanner!"

"Come on! Arrows versus Kevlar?"

"What do you mean Tsu Han's pilotting the shuttle? Does he even have Insystem Pilot? WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND SHAKING YOUR HEAD?"

"So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure."

"Oh, that sorceress looked a little pale when she examined the mirror which has the pentagram in front of it on the floor. I think I'll break the mirror."

"It's not trapped, you just want it to yourself."{He still got it for himself.}

"Me first Me first."

"Dinosaur? Hey, no problem, right Balinor?"

"You call yourself a barbarian, you son of a witch ?"

To powerful demon: "Try me sh*t breath!"

To sleeping dragon: "Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you."

"Come on, we haven't found any so far."

Ranger: "What do I see?"
DM:"Do you remember the trap that killed Indy's guide in Raiders of the Lost Ark?"

"Diamonds ... Gold... Saphires !!! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!! ...Terry ..... Terry??"

"Let's walk this way."

"Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the dungeon exit."

"I never get to have any fun!"

"You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?"

"Hey, I know a dragon when I see one."

"What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?"

"Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?"

"Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed."

"What does it mean when you botch an initiative roll?"

"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing!"

"Stop!"

"A sign labeled `pit'? I walk up to it."

"No problem. That's easy!"

"Hey, I found it. I'm keeping it."

"I think we'll have to reason with him."

"Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points."

"Oh, no. We're being rescued. How embarrassing!"

"Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."

"I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."

"Don't worry. I've got a plan."

"They can't see me. I'm invisible!"

"I wonder what's in here?"

"He wouldn't try that trick again!"

"My two mutations? ...But I've only one!"

"Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."

"They don't look so tough."

"I'm SURE there are no traps."

GM: "FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO..."
PC: "I look for the light switch."

"What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!"

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty..."

"I'll open it."

"It seems easy enough"

"I think he can be trusted."

"Those noises are probably nothing."

"I'll pull the lever."

"Money!"

"Magic is for wimps."

"Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC."

"Oh no! Let's go help them!"

"Run away!"

"I want to kill something."

"All clear, guys."

"Gummy werebears? They should be cake to kill once they turn human."

"Wait a minute, didn't the old man say something about a curse?"

"Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?"

"Okay, Ed, your underwear explodes!"

"Bob, you have any grenades left? Throw me one..."

"AGAIN!?!?!"

"He shot out my eye? Okay, I tear out my other eye and throw it at him as a gesture of defiance."

"I pull the metal ring out of the sphere."(Recognize a Holy Hand Grenade?)

"This is a push-over dungeon."

a)"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
b)"I told him it was a bad idea."

"I'll use my taunt skill."

"Your mother was a Gully Dwarf."

"My God will protect me."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Hey, we're out! We're safe!"

"I'll try it on."

"C'mon! We're a team!"

"You don't look like a mage!"

"It'd be stupid to trap this!"

"I'll kick the door in!"

"It could be dangerous!"

"Here, hold this rope while I go down."

a)"I thought you brought the food!"
b)"I thought you brought the antidote!"

"Well, if you didn't belch, who did?"

"Isn't there anything exciting in this dungeon?" (said to GM)

"Uh guys? Hello? Anyone?"

"Dragons give you a lot of Exp."

"I know an illusion when I see one."

"Who's the bitch with the spiders?" (ahhh! the infamous Lloth)

"I sit on the pale lady with the funny teeth." (Ahhh! the infamous vampire)

"Mysterious shadows in the room? I'm not scared --- you can't spook me!"

"There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe."

"Take off my armor and try to swim? Forget it --- I worked hard to get this +3 plate mail. Besides, the DM never lets anyone die --- he wouldn't let me drown, would he?"

"I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly."

"Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?"

"A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?"
{Twenty.It's like a crossbow, only MUCH larger.}

"So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very big militia."

"Only six inches long? Ha... Wait, you don't mean six _scale_ inches, do you?" {said in miniature-figures-game. Character itself was 3/4" high.}

"...and then I... Uh, guys? Why are looking at me like that? Guys?" {After using a spell called "Polymorph Other" }

"What do you mean, `It doesn't work' ?" {Item with no more charges left.}

"Oh these, I've fought them before..."

"Then I'll hit him back!" {spoken at the start of a bar brawl.}

"I'm bored..."

"Quick! What did that scroll say ?"

"How did he dissappear like that ?" {About a hostile warrior with a ring of invisibility and two attacks per round.}

"I'll try to pick his pockets." {Pockets belonged to a level 30 mage.}

"Maybe we should just kill him."

"Read it to me." {It was a fireball scroll.}

"You mean there's more ?" {About undeads which entered the room}

"MAGIC ITEMS!"

"He looks like a sunburnt elf? Huh."

"I'll light a fire." (In the woods at night (attracted bears)}

"You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!"

GM:"You DID take the swimming skill?" (to a player when character fell overboard.)

"I'll stand guard." (Didn't want to enter orc cave.Orcs were out. Orcs came back.)

"What do you mean I hear water?" {in a tunnel}

"I bar the door!" {Door opened inward.}

"I'll cover you!"

"Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"

"I can't possibly miss..."

"Don't worry, I can hit him! I can hit him!"

"Shut up, bird!" {to a parrot who happened to be repeating the True Name of a demon which subsequently exterminated the party}

"But he has to be our friend!"

"How would you like to have this sword?"

NPC:"Take this ring as a token of my esteem." {This party no longer accepts gifts from unknown NPC's.}

PLAYER:"BEGONE THINGS OF EVIL!!!"
REPLY:"Begone thing of good."

"I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!"

"Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you."

"I run up to the monster, throw my magic net over it, and try to take the jewel from around its neck." {But nets don't stop creatures from biting.}

"Hmmm... odd-colored walls. Well, I touch one." {turned to stone}

"I wonder what the black-and-yellow striped ring above the seat does?" { Ejection Seat. No atmosphere and no vacc-suit.}

"What do you mean, vacc-suit proficiency? I thought it was perfectly straightforward, like wearing clothes..." [From a character attempting to fight hand-to-hand in one.]

"But the directions SAID to `pull pin and throw' !" [From a beautifully role-played Traveler character from a non- technological world. He was given a scout ship survival pack, which among other gimcracks, contained concussion grenades. When he got in trouble, of course, he pulled the pin out of one and threw it ("it" being the pin, naturally)...]

"Uh, what does 'explosive decompression' mean?"

"Why the hell do you always put `Graf' before your name? Is that this backward planet's equivalent of `Duke' or something?"

"Don't worry - I have Pilot-7."

"What do you mean `energy weapons are illegal' ?"

"DO NOT OPEN"

"Easy kill."

"I've got you now!"

"Is this one really able to breath fire?"

"Trust me. I know what I'm doing"

"I open the door and see who it is." {in response to a knock on the door}

"I jump off the roof - He won't get my last HP then."

"Oh cute! Look at the fuzzy little cubs!"

"Your armor is too noisy. Wait here and I'll scout ahead."

"I explain to the ogre that it was an honest mistake."

"Oh, he puts those in all of his dungeons. It's a gas spore."

"Hubba hubba! The nymph's taking off her clothes!"

"Whoever did this must be long gone by now."

"Easy, boy. What's this stupid horse's problem?"

"You mean ... this ... is the last ... torch?"

"Oh don't worry. The poisonous ones have orange stripes."

"I really didn't know it was against the law."

"You racist! They're elves. So what if they're black?" [Big Grin]

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 07-29-2003 12:17 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated G [Smile]

SOME 'FAMOUS LAST WORDS'


There's one from a Union general in the civil war that may be
appropriate for the #1 or #2 slot:

Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.

What happens if you touch these two wires tog--

We won't need reservations.

It's always sunny there this time of the year.

Don't worry, it's not loaded.

They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.

You can make it easy... that train isn't coming fast.

Gimmee a match. I think my gas tank is empty.

Wife, these biscuits are tough.

Let's see if it's loaded.

Step on her, boy, we're only going 75.

Just watch me dive from that bridge.

If you knew anything, you wouldn't be a traffic cop.

Lemme have that bottle; I'll try it.

What? Your mother is going to stay another month?

Say, who's boss of this joint, anyhow?

"C'mon ya wimps, one more beer, it's open ocean out there, what're we gonna hit?" --Captain Hazelwood, Exxon Valdez

"Luke, I lied. Bill Shatner is your real father." --Darth Vader

"A-four and a-three and a-two and a-one..." --Lawrence Welk

"Don't worry about the Rover. That's no cliff." --NASA techie

"And now that I'm running my life support equipment through Windows XP, I'll never have to worry about -- beeeeeeeep..."

"I eat guys like you for breakfast!" --Jeffrey Dahmer

"Here I sit all broken-hearted..." --Elvis Presley

"How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that?" --insect

"No, dude, this stuff is completely natural and safe, man. That's why it's called 'herbal.'"

"How many freakin' times do I have to say, 'In the form of a
question', people?!?" --Alex Trebek

"Yoko, why don't *you* try to sing one?" [Big Grin]

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Leo Enticknap
Film God

Posts: 7034
From: Loma Linda, CA
Registered: Jul 2000


 - posted 12-26-2003 04:33 PM      Profile for Leo Enticknap   Author's Homepage   Email Leo Enticknap   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Click here...

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001


 - posted 02-07-2004 01:40 PM      Profile for Bob Maar   Author's Homepage   Email Bob Maar   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Rated PG [Smile]

Some famous last words:


"Never felt better." - Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.

"Why not? Why not?" - Timothy Leary

"Monsieur,I beg your pardon." - Marie Antoinette,upon
accidentally stepping on the executioner's foot

"I am about to,or,I am going to die. Either expression is
used." - Dominique Bouhours, a grammar expert

"Are you sure it's safe?" - William Palmer,condemned criminal,
upon stepping up to the gallows

"Why yes, a bullet-proof vest" - murderer James Rodgers, when
asked if he had a final request before being put before a firing
squad. [Big Grin]

~source used: "Just Curious, Jeeves"by Erin Barrett & Jack Mingo~

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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)


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Rated G [Smile] Steve in Wisconsin

Last words


"Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough."

(Karl Marx to his housekeeper)

"Drink to me."

(Pablo Picasso )

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."

(General John B. Sedgwick, 1864 )

"Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?"

(Socrates )

"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."

(Pancho Villa)

"I still live."

(Daniel Webster ) [Big Grin]

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System Notices
Forum Watchdog / Soup Nazi

Posts: 215

Registered: Apr 2004


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It has been 517 days since the last post.


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Bob Maar
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Rated G [Smile]

Ibsen, Henrik (1828-1906)

"On the contrary."


Henrik Ibsen was a Norwegian playwright who achieved international recognition for such classics as A Doll's House and Hedda Gabler. Ibsen suffered a stroke in 1900 and spent the last years of his life confined to bed. One day, he heard his nurse remark to a visitor that he was feeling better. "On the contrary," cut in Ibsen just before he died.

Jackson, Thomas Jonathan "Stonewall" (1824-1863)

"Order A.P. Hill to prepare for action! Pass the infantry to the front rapidly! Tell Major Hawks. . . . Let us cross over the river and sit under the shade of the trees." [/b]

Stonewall Jackson was one of the premier Confederate generals of the American Civil War. He was mistakenly wounded by his own men on 2 May 1863 during the battle of Chancellorsville in Virginia, and his left arm had to be amputated. General Robert E. Lee decided that Jackson should recuperate in a safe refuge and ordered that Jackson be transported to Guinea Station about 30 miles from the front lines. Jackson endured the ambulance ride well and was expected to eventually recover. Pneumonia set in, however, and by Sunday, 10 May, it became clear that Jackson would not last through the day. Jackson remarked to his physician, "I have always desired to die on Sunday," and lapsed into delirium before he died at 3:15 p.m.
Jackson's chaplain, B. Tucker Lacy, who attended to the general at Guinea Station reported that during the ordeal General Lee spoke to him of Jackson, "He has lost his left arm, but I have lost my right arm."

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Bob Maar
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Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
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Rated G [Smile]

Jefferson, Thomas (1743-1826)

"This is the Fourth?"


Both Thomas Jefferson and his old friend and rival John Adams died on the fiftieth anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. On the evening of 3 July 1826, Jefferson roused from semi-consciousness on his deathbed and asked an attendant, "This is the Fourth?" To comfort Jefferson, the man replied that it was. Jefferson smiled with satisfaction and returned to sleep. He died just after noon on the following day.

Joan of Arc, Saint (1412-1431)

"Hold the cross high so I may see it through the flames!"


Joan was the youngest of five children of Jacques d'Arc, a peasant farmer from Domremy. She began to hear "voices" when she was thirteen that told her she was to serve the Dauphin and save France. Joan was repeatedly rebuffed in her attempts to join the French army until she successfully predicted its defeat at the Battle of Herrings in 1429. Afterwards, a local commander sent her to the Dauphin. When she recognized the disguised Dauphin hiding in a group of courtiers, he sent her to be examined by group of theologians at Poitiers. After three weeks of questioning, they proclaimed that her voices were genuine.
The Dauphin then sent her to serve with the Army as it fought to lift the siege of Orleans. There, clad in a suit of armor, she led her men and saved the city by capturing several English forts. Later that year she led the French army to an even more important victory at Troyes. This allowed the Dauphin to be crowned Charles VII at Reims, and Joan stood at his side during the ceremony. She continued to lead the army until she was captured by Burgundians at Compiegne and turned over to the English. Charles made no effort to save her, and in fact, some have suggested that he helped arrange her capture as part of a secret deal with the Burgundians.
Joan was tried in a religious court for heresy and witchcraft, and although she defended herself well, she was forced or tricked into denying her "voices" and promising never again to wear men's clothes. Later, she once more dressed as a man and was declared a heretic. She was burned at the stake in the Rouen marketplace, and her ashes were thrown into the Seine. Twenty-five years later, her case was reopened by Pope Callistus III, and she was found innocent. Joan was canonized by Pope Benedict XV in 1920.

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Bob Maar
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Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
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Rated G [Smile]

Jolson, Al (Asa Yoelson) (1886-1950)

"This is it! I'm going. I'm going."


Al Jolson was born in Lithuania and immigrated with his family to the United States in 1895. He began his career singing in burlesque, minstrel shows, and vaudeville before becoming a star on Broadway. Jolson is, perhaps, best remembered for his starring role in The Jazz Singer, the first full-length talking motion picture. After Jolson died in 1950, he was posthumously awarded a Congressional Medal of Merit for his untiring efforts to provide entertainment for U.S. military forces.

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