At about 7:30pm, my late vendor comes in and tells me that there is a car out in the staff lot parked the wrong way in the angle parking, partially jumping the curb and in the bushes. He tells me that as he walked in he saw legs in the air.

Thinking this is just your normal teen hormone thing, I call an usher, and head out to scare and embarrass the kids and tell them to get out of here.

So anyway... we start aproaching the car and we notice the guy's naked rear end sticking up in the air, so my usher freaks out and refuses to get closer than 10 feet to the car. I walk up to the window getting a good look inside, and see a 40ish year old guy, naked on all fours on the reclined back passenger seat. So I tap on the window, and that is the first he noticed me. So he climbs over to the drivers side, and puts a towel or something over his "excited" lap as he rolls down the window acting as if nothing is wrong. So I tell him to leave now or I'll call the cops, and he leaves.

But here's the kicker: At first I thought there was someone else in the car, but getting a good look I realized THE GUY WAS ALONE IN THE CAR, AND WAS HAVING SEX BY HUMPING THE PASSENGER SEAT!!!

What a nice Birthday Present for me.

This is nowhere near a good a story as yours but it was funny.

On the weekend one of our customers was coming to the movies and found a dog (quite large) roaming the streets and decides it shouldn't be.

So this guy goes to the shops, buys a large roll of string, catches the dog and ties it to the fire hydrant next to the front door. He then comes in buys his ticket, tells me I better do something about the dog and gives me the string in case it gets loose and I have to tie it up again.

I rang the RSPCA and I think they came and got it because it disappeared all of a sudden. But for 2 hours this dog was barking its head off, and scaring the shit out of everyone else who had to get in the door.

And I hate dogs!

He comes in during a week day matinee and we do the tour. When we get to the auditoriums, he wants to see one with the work lights on. I explain that the features are running, but if we happen across an empty theatre, I will gladly light it up for him.

So we set off, my light key in hand.....

We walk into an apparently empty auditorium and I flick on the work lights and immediately notice that there are two people in the handicap area on the floor. I politely excuse myself and turn them back off. We exit the auditorium.

Only after returning to the hall way does my brain actually process the image that it had just recorded. I turned to the banker and asked, "Were they doing what I think they were doing?"

His reply was to the affirmative, using the exact same matter of fact, dead panned delivery that I had used. I called and had an usher deal with it so I could continue the tour.

The usher told me later that he had marched right in, turned on the lights and informed the patrons that we would have to ask them to dress and leave the facility.

He said that the guy actually said "Can you give us a minute?"

Woo-Hoo!! Those stadium auditoriums sure are comfy!!

Russ

I doubt many people would want to put ANYTHING naked on an old cement floor from the 40's.

I have two humurous ones:

One evening around suppertime, someone calls my attention to a couple parked in a parking lot across the street, having sex in the back seat of their car, a large, 1960's car. Even tho we were on a higher elevation, all we could see was an occasional leg and a bobbing white butt. (They probably took back-seat sex into account when they designed those cars.) A little while later, someone calls me back out there because they are emerging from the car. They managed to get dressed without exposing themselves, but they are having to spend a lot of time straigtening out their clothes. We are watching them do this and a guy who has been standing half a block away, all this time, not paying any attention, walks towards them. Much to our surprise, the three of them get into the car and drive off!

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the deliveryman who dropped off two 35mm shipping cases and asked, as I was signing the paperwork, "do you guys show movies here?"

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Once I was on the stage of the Mobile Saenger theater, standing near all the lines & sandbags at the pin rail, & talking to the tech director. The loading door at the back of the stage was open.

A guy pokes his head in the loading door, walks in off the street, down the stage past two curtains & under the proscenium to the edge of the orchestra pit, & looks out at 2400 red seats, a balcony, ellipsoidal spotlights on box booms & the front of house rail, a projection/spot booth, & a blazing chandelier the size of Vermont.

He turns around to us & says:
"Hey, is this a theater?"

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William Hooper
Junk drawer: http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/theater/3622
Theatre Empire: http://members.xoom.com/saenger.1

A few years back I was working as an usher before I went up into the booth and we had a group of "rough" kids come in. They were juvenile justice center breakouts if I ever saw one. I can't remember the movie they saw, but they were the only ones in the auditorium and it was some white-trash horror flick.

I was ordered to keep an eye on them which I did, and they were always comming in and out of the show. Being the only ones in the auditorium, and they were buying stuff at the stand when they were out, we let them go.

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As for the fecal problem, I went through the same problem only it was a gas station restroom with tile walls. The irritating part was that I gave the F****R the key!

He painted the walls with it, and we had a "professional" come and clean it out. Some people are total pigs.

In Tyler, Texas, an entire multiplex had to be evacuated when somebody unloaded a fire extinguisher in a hall full of people seeing Thir13en Ghosts. Seems like this theater certainly gets a rough crowd.

A loooong time ago when I was working at Mann Kipling Place 6, which was a 1st and a half run theater (so to speak), a drunk couple came in after buying tickets. Guess what happens next!!! (NO -- you guessed wrong). Anyway, they approached the concession counter to purchase some consumable goods to enjoy during their feature presentation. During the transaction the guy asked the concessionist if he thought that his girlfriend had "nice tits". "Uh yeah sure!" was the concessionists reply. The drunk guy then proceeded to pull his girlfriend's boob out of her blouse and show it to the concessionist saying "I think these are damn nice tits!". The girl didn't seem to mind at all. The concessionist replied "Yeah that's a pretty nice one there!"