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Author Topic: Stories you wouldn't believe if they hadn't happened to you
John Scott
Master Film Handler

Posts: 252
From: Oakdale, MN, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

 - posted 09-26-2000 11:45 PM      Profile for John Scott   Email John Scott   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This actually happened tonight. (I've tried to make this as polite as possible )

At about 7:30pm, my late vendor comes in and tells me that there is a car out in the staff lot parked the wrong way in the angle parking, partially jumping the curb and in the bushes. He tells me that as he walked in he saw legs in the air.

Thinking this is just your normal teen hormone thing, I call an usher, and head out to scare and embarrass the kids and tell them to get out of here.

So anyway... we start aproaching the car and we notice the guy's naked rear end sticking up in the air, so my usher freaks out and refuses to get closer than 10 feet to the car. I walk up to the window getting a good look inside, and see a 40ish year old guy, naked on all fours on the reclined back passenger seat. So I tap on the window, and that is the first he noticed me. So he climbs over to the drivers side, and puts a towel or something over his "excited" lap as he rolls down the window acting as if nothing is wrong. So I tell him to leave now or I'll call the cops, and he leaves.

But here's the kicker: At first I thought there was someone else in the car, but getting a good look I realized THE GUY WAS ALONE IN THE CAR, AND WAS HAVING SEX BY HUMPING THE PASSENGER SEAT!!!

What a nice Birthday Present for me.

Anyone else have a strange but true story to share?

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Paul Cunningham
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 146
From: Melbourne, Australia
Registered: Jun 2000

 - posted 09-28-2000 08:31 AM      Profile for Paul Cunningham   Email Paul Cunningham   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
First off happy birthday John.

This is nowhere near a good a story as yours but it was funny.

On the weekend one of our customers was coming to the movies and found a dog (quite large) roaming the streets and decides it shouldn't be.

So this guy goes to the shops, buys a large roll of string, catches the dog and ties it to the fire hydrant next to the front door. He then comes in buys his ticket, tells me I better do something about the dog and gives me the string in case it gets loose and I have to tie it up again.

I rang the RSPCA and I think they came and got it because it disappeared all of a sudden. But for 2 hours this dog was barking its head off, and scaring the shit out of everyone else who had to get in the door.

And I hate dogs!


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Russ Kress
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 202
From: Charleston, WV, USA
Registered: May 2000

 - posted 09-30-2000 07:36 PM      Profile for Russ Kress   Author's Homepage   Email Russ Kress   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, I get a call from the home office that a bank executive needs a tour of the facility and that I should show him everything he wants to see. Fine.

He comes in during a week day matinee and we do the tour. When we get to the auditoriums, he wants to see one with the work lights on. I explain that the features are running, but if we happen across an empty theatre, I will gladly light it up for him.

So we set off, my light key in hand.....

We walk into an apparently empty auditorium and I flick on the work lights and immediately notice that there are two people in the handicap area on the floor. I politely excuse myself and turn them back off. We exit the auditorium.

Only after returning to the hall way does my brain actually process the image that it had just recorded. I turned to the banker and asked, "Were they doing what I think they were doing?"

His reply was to the affirmative, using the exact same matter of fact, dead panned delivery that I had used. I called and had an usher deal with it so I could continue the tour.

The usher told me later that he had marched right in, turned on the lights and informed the patrons that we would have to ask them to dress and leave the facility.

He said that the guy actually said "Can you give us a minute?"

Woo-Hoo!! Those stadium auditoriums sure are comfy!!


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Scott D. Neff
Theatre Dork

Posts: 919
From: San Francisco, CA
Registered: Oct 1999

 - posted 09-30-2000 07:49 PM      Profile for Scott D. Neff   Author's Homepage   Email Scott D. Neff   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That's why I love older theatres...

I doubt many people would want to put ANYTHING naked on an old cement floor from the 40's.

Although maybe that explains what the stickiness is...

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Wayne Cope
Film Handler

Posts: 25
From: Micanopy, FL, USA
Registered: Apr 2000

 - posted 10-04-2000 07:47 PM      Profile for Wayne Cope   Email Wayne Cope   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't think anything tops the guy in the passenger seat, with his car parked over the curb. (When he goes new-car shopping, I hope they don't let him go for test drives alone!) But I also love the line, "Can you give us a minute?"

I have two humurous ones:

One evening around suppertime, someone calls my attention to a couple parked in a parking lot across the street, having sex in the back seat of their car, a large, 1960's car. Even tho we were on a higher elevation, all we could see was an occasional leg and a bobbing white butt. (They probably took back-seat sex into account when they designed those cars.) A little while later, someone calls me back out there because they are emerging from the car. They managed to get dressed without exposing themselves, but they are having to spend a lot of time straigtening out their clothes. We are watching them do this and a guy who has been standing half a block away, all this time, not paying any attention, walks towards them. Much to our surprise, the three of them get into the car and drive off!

One Sunday afternoon, about ten minutes till showtime, our usher asks me, "What's our policy on dogs?" I say, "Why do you ask?" She tells me that the lady sitting over there, and discretely gestures, has a dog in her purse. This was an older woman, and beside her seat she had one of those large purses that's as big as a full-size paper grocery sack. She doesn't seem to be paying us a bit of attention, so I watch for a minute. Her purse wiggles of its own accord. Then I find out from the usher the only way she knew about the dog was that she saw the woman in the library a couple of hours earlier and the dog had stuck its head out. I asked her if she'd heard the dog make a noise, and she said she had not. She was going to watch this film, so I told her to get me if the dog made a noise, which it did not. We aim to please.

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Scott Norwood
Film God

Posts: 8146
From: Boston, MA. USA (1774.21 miles northeast of Dallas)
Registered: Jun 99

 - posted 10-05-2000 10:33 AM      Profile for Scott Norwood   Author's Homepage   Email Scott Norwood   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have remarkably few amusing customer stories, but did I ever mention the deliveryman who dropped off two 35mm shipping cases and asked, as I was signing the paperwork, "do you guys show movies here?"

I really wanted to respond "no, we don't actually _show_ the movies...we just rent them and send them back; this whole theatre thing is just a front for our evil plans for world domination."

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William Hooper
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1879
From: Mobile, AL USA
Registered: Jun 99

 - posted 10-06-2000 03:19 AM      Profile for William Hooper   Author's Homepage   Email William Hooper   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
the deliveryman who dropped off two 35mm shipping cases and asked, as I was signing the paperwork, "do you guys show movies here?"

Once I was on the stage of the Mobile Saenger theater, standing near all the lines & sandbags at the pin rail, & talking to the tech director. The loading door at the back of the stage was open.

A guy pokes his head in the loading door, walks in off the street, down the stage past two curtains & under the proscenium to the edge of the orchestra pit, & looks out at 2400 red seats, a balcony, ellipsoidal spotlights on box booms & the front of house rail, a projection/spot booth, & a blazing chandelier the size of Vermont.

He turns around to us & says:
"Hey, is this a theater?"

William Hooper
Junk drawer:
Theatre Empire:

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Aaron Mehocic
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 804
From: New Castle, PA, USA
Registered: Jun 99

 - posted 10-06-2000 02:12 PM      Profile for Aaron Mehocic   Email Aaron Mehocic   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I Think I told this in a post last year but for you newbies since then:

A few years back I was working as an usher before I went up into the booth and we had a group of "rough" kids come in. They were juvenile justice center breakouts if I ever saw one. I can't remember the movie they saw, but they were the only ones in the auditorium and it was some white-trash horror flick.

I was ordered to keep an eye on them which I did, and they were always comming in and out of the show. Being the only ones in the auditorium, and they were buying stuff at the stand when they were out, we let them go.

When the show was over, the assistant manager and my self went into clean. There was an oder in the air as if someone was smoking cigars. Except it wasn't smoke! Thats right in was HUMAN FECES! These bastards crapped in their popcorn bags and then flung it around the auditoriums as if they were monkeys! I still remember that as if it was yesterday, and I'm sure I will never forget it. These people will be immediately executed upon my assention to the dictatorship.

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Jason Burroughs
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 654
From: Allen, TX
Registered: Jun 99

 - posted 10-06-2000 03:37 PM      Profile for Jason Burroughs   Email Jason Burroughs   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've heard a similar story, this happened at a theatre in a small afluent suburb of Dallas, the manager was closing one night, and the janitors had already arrived, then informed the manger that they were "not going to clean that up" of course this peaked the managers experience, and they directed her to one of the auditoriums, about half way down she found what they were talking about. At one end the aisle there was a seat with a rather large load of crap in it, and on ever single seat across the row, there were "marks" evidently someone took a crap right in the seat and used the other seats to wipe their ass!

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Tom Kroening
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 214
From: Janesville, WI USA
Registered: Oct 1999

 - posted 10-08-2000 02:01 PM      Profile for Tom Kroening   Email Tom Kroening   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I was hanging out at one of the other theatres last night after close. As we all were walking out of the door we saw a bunch of emergancy vehicles driving by. They all stopped about a mile down at the onramp of the highway. We stepped out into the road to look. A firetruck came back and parked way down in the side parking lot and started spraying water everywhere. We all walked over to the truck and they said that there had been a terrible accident and the hellicopter is going to land here! I guess what had happened was a drunk guy was getting on the onramp and smashed into a motorcycle gang of about 8 people. I think he hit about 5 of them. Thats a lesson not to drive drunk if ive ever seen one. He was pretty messed up but still talking so hopefully he makes it.

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Jim Ziegler
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 753
From: West Hollywood, CA
Registered: Jul 99

 - posted 10-09-2000 01:25 PM      Profile for Jim Ziegler   Email Jim Ziegler   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A few years ago I was at my 4 plex when a guy came in and asked to use the restroom... We let him... A coupl e of minutes later 3 cops showed up and asked us if we had seen the guy and we told him he was in the restroom. At which point they drew their guns and went in after him.. Never did find out what he did..

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Dwayne Caldwell
Master Film Handler

Posts: 323
From: Rockwall, TX, USA
Registered: Apr 2000

 - posted 10-17-2000 01:11 AM      Profile for Dwayne Caldwell   Email Dwayne Caldwell   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I was working at AMC when it was a dollar theatre when this happened. I went into The Game (starring Michael Douglas) to watch some of it. There were only two guys in the middle of the auditorium watching this thing. Like I said, we were a dollar house. I left, then came back a little while later to catch another part I liked when I saw only one guy watching the show. Nothing usual about that. The other guy was probably at the stand or in the restroom. I stayed for a good five or ten minutes then saw the other guy's head come up away from his friend's lap. I'm not sure what kind of material The Game had in it that would prompt two guys to do that kind of shit, but I didn't think I was getting paid enough to clean up after them and quite frankly was afraid of what I'd find. Let the janitors deal with it.

The man with the magic hands.

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Bruce McGee
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1776
From: Asheville, NC USA... Nowhere in Particular.
Registered: Aug 1999

 - posted 10-17-2000 08:05 AM      Profile for Bruce McGee   Email Bruce McGee   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Maybe the 2 boys cleaned up after themselves??

As for the fecal problem, I went through the same problem only it was a gas station restroom with tile walls. The irritating part was that I gave the F****R the key!

He painted the walls with it, and we had a "professional" come and clean it out. Some people are total pigs.

Charles Everett
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1470
From: New Jersey
Registered: May 2001

 - posted 12-06-2001 05:41 PM      Profile for Charles Everett   Email Charles Everett   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Bringing this back as I found one story that certainly qualifies:

In Tyler, Texas, an entire multiplex had to be evacuated when somebody unloaded a fire extinguisher in a hall full of people seeing Thir13en Ghosts. Seems like this theater certainly gets a rough crowd.

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Joe Redifer
You need a beating today

Posts: 12859
From: Denver, Colorado
Registered: May 99

 - posted 12-06-2001 06:18 PM      Profile for Joe Redifer   Author's Homepage   Email Joe Redifer   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm almost positive that I've told this story somewhere here before, but I must put it in this very appropriate thread.

A loooong time ago when I was working at Mann Kipling Place 6, which was a 1st and a half run theater (so to speak), a drunk couple came in after buying tickets. Guess what happens next!!! (NO -- you guessed wrong). Anyway, they approached the concession counter to purchase some consumable goods to enjoy during their feature presentation. During the transaction the guy asked the concessionist if he thought that his girlfriend had "nice tits". "Uh yeah sure!" was the concessionists reply. The drunk guy then proceeded to pull his girlfriend's boob out of her blouse and show it to the concessionist saying "I think these are damn nice tits!". The girl didn't seem to mind at all. The concessionist replied "Yeah that's a pretty nice one there!"

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