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» Film-Tech Forum   » Community   » Film Handlers' Movie Reviews   » Thomas & His Mad Phat Railroad

Author Topic: Thomas & His Mad Phat Railroad
Scott McFly
Film Handler

Posts: 19
From: Birch Run, MI, USA
Registered: Aug 2000

 - posted 08-02-2000 10:35 AM      Profile for Scott McFly   Email Scott McFly   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
dont be dissin thomas, he'll run you off track faster than you can say shining time station.

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Dwayne Caldwell
Master Film Handler

Posts: 323
From: Rockwall, TX, USA
Registered: Apr 2000

 - posted 08-08-2000 03:26 AM      Profile for Dwayne Caldwell   Email Dwayne Caldwell   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Does he deliva' ten times out'a ten too?

The man with the magic hands.

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Ethan Harper

Posts: 325
From: Plano, TX, USA
Registered: May 2000

 - posted 08-08-2000 08:06 PM      Profile for Ethan Harper   Email Ethan Harper   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Man I was laughing my ass off with all of the gay innuendos and such.

--"That's my story and i'm sticking to it!"--

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Tyler Skinner
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 115
From: Pa
Registered: Nov 1999

 - posted 08-14-2000 10:45 PM      Profile for Tyler Skinner   Email Tyler Skinner   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I found this review at

Franklin T. Rochester III, Fundamentalist Film Critic for Christian News Network,
shares his Christian review of THOMAS AND THE MAGIC RAILROAD:

"Thomas and the Magic Railroad," is the latest craze in animation abomination's by
Walt Disney. I hesitated to share with you my findings on this film as there is not
one single redeeming thing that I can offer you. But, as a servant of the Master, I
must follow his will and tell you what to expect should you decide to subject your
minor child to this filth.

When my wife, Fernindina, called me on the cell phone to inform me that she was
taking our grandson and several of his little friends to see this seemingly harmless
film about talking trains, I could not get to the theater fast enough to meet them.

The trailers had seemed innocent enough, with a cute little train with great big
saucer like eyes and we all know that little boys like trains. I thought to myself,
"Franklin, this is likely to be something worthwhile for the entire family". Lord,
was I ever wrong.

The film started innocently enough, with Thomas and another train winding their way
up the tracks towards a destiny unknown. But I noticed something queer; their eyes
rolled and you could hear them speaking but they did not have lips. This should have
been the first clue that this was not a movie for young children. But rather a
subliminal attempt to draw young people into the Satanic ritual known as mind

"Grandpa?" my nine year old grand boy asked me, "Why don't those trains have
mouths?". I looked into the timid young face and realized then that he was too young
for the truth. "Son, just bow your head and ask Jesus. Then you watch the movie and
let's just see what happens". I observed the boy as he dropped silently to the
soda-sticky floor to his knees and prayed and then as he rose to his seat to watch
the film for an answer from above.

A few minutes later, after I had returned from the snack bar with some Milk Duds and
a tub of popcorn for the boys, there were new characters on the screen named Burnett
Stone and a "female" train named Lady. They were in a place called Muff Mountain and
that Burnett character had his hand all the way up the rear axial of Lady, his
girlfriend. The sounds coming from that train and grunts coming from that man were
nothing less than pornographic.

"I've never been able to bring her to life and make her steam." this pervert was
saying over and over (with his whole arm now up in the nether regions of this maiden

It was right then and there that I reached over to my Fernindina and told her to "get
these boys out this theater this instant". But she could not move as she was
mesmerized by the filth that was on the screen. I reached over and I popped her aside
her head to bring her out of the demon induced trance that she was in. But still, no
reaction. She was literally glued to her seat and mumbling something about "wanting
to achieve a steam of her own...having never been had a steam either".

Well, my wife may have been seduced by this lewd material and I would have to rescue
her, but she would have to wait; getting those boys out of there came first. So I
stood up in my seat and I yelled for the projectionist to “cut that smut off and turn
on the lights in the name of Jesus! There are children and women present”

Friends, I had expected for the sinners to yell at me and curse me but when my own
grandson told me to "Sit the Hell down and shut up", I was simply flabbergasted and
powerless to do anything but fall back into my seat and pray.

For the next forty-five minutes a cast of cartoon creatures with names like "Mr.
Conductor"; a 12" tall man who acted as the male genitalia for "Thomas The Train” and
“Burnett”, could go places that they were unable to go, the "Evil Diesel"; a lesbian
freight train that was trying to debauch "Lady", and "Billy TwoFist"; (whose name is
self explanatory) that attempted unspeakable acts on the other trains. Oh, they all
lived and frolicked in the pint-sized village called "Isle of Sodom" and the
full-sized town of "Shining Time" (which should have been called Sinning Times).

Forced to suffer this film in it's entirety at the hand of Satan, was one of the
worst experiences of my life. Hard as I try to get my family out from under the spell
they were under, I could not budge them.

Young children and women are eminently susceptible to the lure that the demonic rail
cars in this film have over them. Finally, when it was over, I managed to get my wife
and the visibly stimulated group of youngsters into the mini van and get them far
away from the land of incubus trains and perversion.

The effects of this sinister sick-flick have a long half life as well. The sinful
urges and lascivious desires planted in the women and children's minds, do not go
away when the curtain drops either, not at all.

Why, my wife still moans in her sleep for me to "make her steam". And my once
innocent grandson was not spared the lingering possession either. In fact, at a
recent Sunday supper, I caught him donning a pair of overhauls and conductors cap. He
was inserting his hand inside the family dog, Moses, and all the while crying out
"Choo! Choo! Steam for me Fido! ". Fortunately, a brutal thrashing with a razor strap
and the words from the KJV 1611 were able to wane the wicked urges provoked by
viewing this film; for the time being in any case.

This menacing cartoon is part of a new generation of mind controlling movies that
reels in it’s victims through the use of satanic special effects and sublime visuals.

My final say on "Thomas and the Magic Railroad" is that if you love Jesus and care
one iota about your loved ones, then for God's sake, do not allow them to suffer this

- Brother Franklin Rochester III, Fundamentalist Film Critic

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Mike Spaeth
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1112
From: Hampton, GA
Registered: Jul 2000

 - posted 08-15-2000 12:11 AM      Profile for Mike Spaeth   Author's Homepage   Email Mike Spaeth   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think it's a parody site - nontheless - it's some funny stuff. Try reading the review on Dinosaur "Disney's Latest Film Teaches Kids to be Sex-Crazed Maniacs" or something of that nature.

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Scott McFly
Film Handler

Posts: 19
From: Birch Run, MI, USA
Registered: Aug 2000

 - posted 08-15-2000 08:41 AM      Profile for Scott McFly   Email Scott McFly   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
you should have seen the reviews for scary movie i found on some chrisitan movie review site. they tore that movie APART, that is, the ones that didnt walk out in the first 5 minutes. one of my favorite lines from a review was "there are some movies even jesus wouldnt see, this movie is included"

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Tyler Skinner
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 115
From: Pa
Registered: Nov 1999

 - posted 08-15-2000 11:32 AM      Profile for Tyler Skinner   Email Tyler Skinner   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
check out for real christian reviews. is a religious satire/ parody site. funny stuff in my opinion...

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Harry Robinson
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 155
From: Franklin Tennessee
Registered: Dec 1999

 - posted 08-18-2000 10:35 AM      Profile for Harry Robinson   Email Harry Robinson   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As a church worker I find the Landover site quite possibly the funniest on the web. Aside from their over-the-top stuff they find a lot of legitmate problems in the fundamentalist movement to satirize.
If you really want a hoot, read their letters department. It's amazing how many people find the site by accident and don't get it.

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