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Topic: Ethnic Jokes
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-18-2006 01:34 PM
Rated G ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a freakin' wall." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 01-27-2006 05:32 PM
Rated R Ed in Aurora, Ont.
Two good ole boys
Two good ole boys up in Tennessee were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer...After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd,
"If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin',& she got pregnant & had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, & squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 03-17-2006 01:06 PM
Rated G Cherokee wisdom
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said,"My son,the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil.It is anger,envy,jealousy,sorrow,regret,greed, arrogance,self-pity,guilt,resentment,inferiority,lies,false pride,superiority,and ego.
The other is Good.It is joy,peace,love,hope,serenity,humility, kindness,benevolence,empathy,generosity,truth,compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:"Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
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Bob Maar
(Maar stands for Maartini)
Posts: 28608
From: New York City & Newport, RI
Registered: Feb 2001
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posted 09-25-2006 08:41 PM
Rated PG ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on
Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted
radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.
A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia and her Queen at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his Ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular state, and its laws were made by parliament."If those are not your values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you", he said on National Television.
"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws governing people in Australia:one the Australian law and another the Islamiclaw,that is false.If you can't agree with parliamentary law,independent courts,democracy,and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to another country,which practices it,perhaps,then,that's a better option",Costello said.
Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave,he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who did not want toaccept local values should "clear off. Basically people who don't want to be Australians,and who don't want, to live by Australian values and understand them,well then,they can basically clear off",he said.
Separately,Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques Quote:"IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It.I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture.Since the terrorist attacks on Bali,we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians."
"However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the
'politically correct'crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia ." "However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand."
"This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity.And as Australians, we have our own culture, our own society,our own language and our own lifestyle."
"This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles,trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom" "We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese,Arabic, Chinese,Japanese,Russian,or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society ...Learn the language!"
"Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact,because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented.It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture."
"We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us." "If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like "A Fair Go", then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from. By all means, keep your culture, but do not force it on others.
"This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'."
"If you aren't happy here then LEAVE.We didn't force you to come here.You asked to be here.So accept the country YOU accepted."
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Gordon Bachlund
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 551
From: Monrovia, CA, USA
Registered: Aug 1999
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posted 11-08-2006 01:14 PM
Rated PG...
Yankel Goldstein, in his late 80s and still gainfully employed as a ribbon salesman, has been trying, unsuccessfully, to sell ribbon to Macy's for many years. Last week, he made another attempt to speak with the anti-Semitic buyer.
"Goldstein," the buyer says, "you've been trying to sell me ribbon for at least 25 years. Now is your chance. Send me enough yellow ribbon to reach from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis."
Three days later, four tractor trailers full of yellow ribbon drive up to Macy's receiving dock. The ribbon buyer goes ballistic. He calls Goldstein and yells, "What's going on??? I only ordered enough yellow ribbon to reach from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis, and you send me four truck loads full of it!"
Goldstein replies calmly, "The tip of my penis is in Poland."
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